Resentiment.co.uk

ePiSoDe 88: Witnessing Nothing

2011-11-26T10:05:00.001Z

It's a shame that I fell off the proverbial wagon writing these things after doing so well for 2 1/2 years. Alas, constant jokes about self-abuse, semen and all things racist finally took its toll on my sanity and I lost it. Although, I didn't completely loose it in a celebrity kind of way, i.e;

'Look at me! I can't handle life because of all this pressure form being in the public eye, I need desperate help. I know, I’ll seek refuge within the public eye, that'll fix it'

As my career within digital marketing continues as I move on to pastures new, I'm beginning to subcutaneously catch myself reflecting on my life thus far. Having reached the position of an Account Manager (has nothing to do with accounting or anything else boring to that degree), I feel successful but not for the obvious reasons.

You see, life is a series of events and experiences, good and bad. It only becomes more interesting when the unexpected happens, making you question the morality of those previous experiences on whether they were truly good or bad. Case in point; between the age of 5-11, I attended the Jehovah Witnesses' Sunday service and mid week Bible study. Interestingly, despite never really having strong affinity for God, I remember thinking it was good experience around the age of 16 which nicely brings me to the point of this post:

Claiming to have the 'truth' and not being able to back it up in any form is a major no-no for me, especially when you organisation uses the word 'witness' within their name. Ever looked up the definition of the word 'witness', well here you go;

A witness is someone who has firsthand knowledge about an event, or in the criminal justice systems usually a crime, through his or her senses (e.g. seeing, hearing, smelling, touching) and can help certify important considerations about the crime or event. A witness who has seen the event first hand is known as an eyewitness. Witnesses are often called before a court of law to testify in trials.

Hmm, I'm sure no-one on their planet at this very moment was an eyewitness of has tangible firsthand knowledge of God. So its really deceptive to use the word 'witness' within the title of your organisation as young and stupid people like me would think it was the 'truth' and its not.

ePiSoDe 87: Too cool for school, the youth of today..

2011-05-24T22:49:00.000+01:00

I've got to admit, despite constantly shaking my fist at the sky and wishing for the crash of civilisation as we know it, I cant quite put the HTC away; "Look! it's showing me the weather in Tokyo, how cool is that!"

So having admit that, I think I have every right to bitch about how these 'smart(ass)phones' are actually more of a pain than anything else. And despite the ability to take a picture of your penis, crop it (ha) and post it on Twitter and Facebook in the matter of seconds, one mobile/smartphone feature that I never understood still seems to exist in most new handsets, begging the question;

"Mr HTC, Mr Nokia, Mr Samsung and Mr Apple, why do you continue to add speaker phone as a feature to your phones?" Why do I need to fucking hear (insert current music fad) latest song on fucking repeat whenever I unfortunately have to use public transport? Why would I possibly want to listen to your shitty, badly produced untalented, repetitive, unimaginative and monotonous collection of sound waves that claims to be music.

I'm 25, I'm too old to put up with you, so next time I will stare directly into your eyes, and when you realise that I am looking at you and overreact by stabbing me with the nearest broken bottle, I'll curse Mr HTC, Mr Nokia, Mr Samsung and Mr Apple from the grave for adding a fucking speaker to 'smart(ass)phones'

Loosely based on things that suck, I've been dying to share 2 quotes from the Twitter star Bree Olsen:

BreeOlson Bree Olson

Got so drunk. Mexican took me on these trash bags fucked me. Left me laying there then about 10 of his friends came and fucked me too.

15 Jan

A day later.....

BreeOlson Bree Olson

This one goes out to the one I love... This one goes out to the one I left behind...

16 Jan

Nuff said........

ePiSoDe 86: Why adaptations just don't work

2011-01-22T11:52:00.000Z

Have you ever enjoyed a piece of cake so much that you would like to recreate it in a gas format so that more people could experience it? Of course not, because that my dear would be fucking stupid; stupid like guys who wear Emporio Armani tight white T-Shirts with unintelligible writing plaster all over it.

Can we simply stop all these 'live action' versions of our favourite show, book or game please. Purely from a a critique and adaptation perspective; I think we're all in agreement that they seem to completely miss the mark; just like cosplay by fat Americans.

I guess the issue is that the producer/screenwriter who wants to adapt the IP aren't doing so to explore the concept in a motion picture format, the primary reason for adaptation is to make money. Which, in its self, isn't a problem; who cares if Dragonball Evolution was a complete piece of shit for a film? I can still go home, pick up a copy of the Dragon Ball manga and be happy.

However, just because mainstream cinema has run out of ideas, does that give them any right to fuck up and sully the integrity of an entire franchise simply because they just didn't care enough to do it properly? The most insulting part however, is that they think that the existing fan base will go out to support the film simply because of the brand, and that doesn't happen because people who read the original book/manga or watched the anime/cartoon are smarter than the average X-Factor/Jersey Shore/The Hills and Glee watching dumb fuck audience.

Having said all of that from a business perspective, its genius; who cares if you piss off the fan base, you've generated a huge amount of income in a couple weeks from an established brand, and will again with the related merchandise and home release. Also, the marketing and hype works for its self; fans will get wind of the adaptation and and blog/comment/tweet the hell out of it until its release.

You just need to sit back with your Barcardi Breezer in one hand and a wad of cash in the other, ignoring the unopened box containing the original source material of the film you just made sent from the original author.

Good bye fuckers!

ePiSoDe 85: middle class journalists need to shut the hell up

2010-12-11T10:21:00.001Z

As it was Sunday, I decided to watch one of those horrible 'lets debate ethics, religion and society' TV shows. You know, the ones where they might have a Christian, Jew and Muslim dicussing the above in a accepting and peaceful manner.

So is it bad that all i want to see them do is pull out their prefered wepon and fight Battle Royal style? Its not that I don't want everyone to live in peace and touch each other up, but I thought the whole point of accepting faith is to ignore all others (cough, and reason, cough)? Isn't that the concept of Dogma? So why are these people pretending to get along on these leather sofas?

Come on people, stand up for your backwards superstitious beliefs and lets get ready to rumble! Muslim guy, don't let that Christian talk about Jesus as if he was a Jew, you know he was a Muslim, Spinning bird kick him in the face. Jewish dude, that Christian guy said that Jesus was the son of God, Shinku Hadoken his ass.

However, my main issue with these types of shows are the non-religious person of the panel because most of the time, they end up being some female middle class journalist from some celebrity or lifestyle magazine who's concept of hardship is watching the all black cast of The Cat On the Hot Tin Roof.

Seriously, your opinion has no relevance for the majority of the working society, you write for a living, you write about other people's lives for a living, you get paid an an obscene amount of money to write about other people's lives for a living.

Fuck you writers, fuck you and your undergraduate degree in media, fuck you and your snooty 'i have a bottle of red with every meal' attitude, fuck you and your 'videogames are stupid, but Facebok's Farmville is great!

ePiSoDe 84: Scarlett Johansson or a year supply of bread?

2010-11-13T13:12:00.002Z

I can't remember how we got to this question in our random discussions on morality, society and the human condidtion, but it begs a well thought out answer in my opinion:

Scarlett Johansson or a year supply of bread?

On the one hand, Scarlett Johansson is absolutely gorgeous and any man/women would be proud of the statement: 'i've tapped Scarlett Johansson, now what do i do with my life?' Not only that, she's a good actress, and to this day, i think she would have made a better Mary Jane in the Spiderman movies than that awful Kirsten Dunst.

But then again, it's a year supply of bread people! Just think of all the time you could save by not having to go and buy bread, hell, you could spend that free time thinking about Scarlett Johansson while eating bread.

ePiSoDe 83: Short skirts, that's a no-no

2010-10-05T18:04:00.003+01:00

I'm no Gok Wan, but 'girlfriend you need to fix yourself so I don't have to see your beaver'.

(Not a real Gok Wan quote)

Forget banning the burkha, let's ban short skirts at work. Firstly, just to clarify, i'm all for provocative dressing, hell I even wrote a song about it and it got to number 1# in the country and western charts.... well, that's not entirely true, but the emotion was there.

My point though is that there is a time and place for short skirts, and it’s called sleezy clubs with pervey men. I don’t need to see this at 8:45 on a Monday morning while I'm sipping my chocolate from Paul's.

What is it that you are trying to achieve by having a skirt that short? Is it the whole 'we're calming it back' argument like the n-word? Because you know, that doesn't really work, it just fuels the fire and makes us think;

'You're a uneducated dick who is perpetuating in your own negativity through the reinforcement of a stereotype simply because you lack the vocabulary to express yourself in a meaningful manner', or something to that effect...

Let's put it like this, If you dress like a slut, I'm not going to think;

'You go girl, you tell those men out there who's boss'

What i'm actually going to think is;

'Wow, what a super slut, why don't you just leave the house with nothing on and it would make things easier for everyone. Daddy can disown you quicker and your potential molester will have easier access'.

Good night losers!

ePiSoDe 82: Birthday Blues (Part 2)

2010-08-16T08:59:00.001+01:00

If you happen to be a Jehovah's witness, you're probably thinking that you should sell your worldly possessions and wait for judgement day, Terminator style with SkyNet et al.

'But those who hoped to witness the battle of Armageddon and the establishment of God's kingdom on earth will have go wait. Henceforth, any generation that experiences such calamities as war and plagues like AIDS could be the one to witness the end times. In short, the increasingly middle-class Witnesses would do well to buy life insurance.'
Source: Kenneth L. Woodward, Newsweek/December 18, 1995.

Not to pick on the Witnesses, but that's a pretty big fuck up. if i fucked up like that at work, i'd be fired. although, if i did that and i happened to work within the banking industry, i think i'd get a raise.

ePiSoDe 81: Birthday Blues (Part 1)

2010-08-12T19:02:00.000+01:00

So what exactly am I supposed to be feeling now that I've reached a quarter of a century? I not so much worried about my hip, nor am i worried about peeing myself at the bus stop like i did when i was 9, but I do think I should worried.

I mean, it's the end of days right? and when i say 'end of days' i'm not referring to that fine piece of art staring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Israel thinks it can get away with murder because its Israel, the environment is pretty much screwed thanks to BP and Linsey Lohan is going to jail; we are truly fucked! However, its important to calm ourselves down and remember that we are rational human beings.

Well, most of us are......

ePiSoDe 80: Disgusted with men (and women too!)

2010-02-03T23:38:00.002Z

A message to all the men out there;

Can you please wash your hands after using the toilet/bathroom please? It only takes 20 seconds out of your tiny insignificant life. Fine, you can argue that you could have spent that extra 20 seconds jerking off to Hayden Panettiere, but remember every time you do that, Jesus cries a little.

Not really, Jesus doesn’t exist. Well, someone called Jesus probably exists somewhere in Mexico, probably jumping the border as we speak. Go Jesus Go!

What baffles me the most is that the biggest culprits seem to be people who should know better; whenever i go to a pretentious industry event, it’s the people in the nicest suits who seem to think that simply running their hands under some water with some soap is too much effort.

You’re rich you jerks, no excuse.

However, this isn’t as bad as what i discovered the other night. Not only do some of you women do the same, but apparently you also go to the toilet/bathroom together....... in the same cubical.......... TOGETHER!?!

Erm, really, that’s, erm, like, gross..... i would imagine this to be incredibly awkward, but apparently not! It sounds like you revel in it, as if its Christmas 1989 and you’ve just gotten the complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys including the van, blimp and Technodrome.

Not everyone wants to catch the sexually contracted disease from the rough sex with your step father, so with that in mind, wash your freaking hands and stop going to the toilet/bathroom together.

ePiSoDe ??: Japan is just weird

2010-01-30T09:51:00.001Z

Marvel Comics owns the She-Hulk and Wonder Woman does time at DC, but COMIC ageha -- a one-shot 475 yen special from gal mag publisher extraordinaire INFOREST -- has a plucky inspirational super heroine all their own with Koakuma ageha model Rina Ayukawa (l). Here then is her autobiographical saga, a kind of Shocking Suspense Story with a hostess club twist, as told to manga-ka Manami Moriyama of (I am not making this up) "Mama wa Kyabajyo" fame...

Rina is just 19 when this guy / her friend, off the cuff, recruits her to appear as a guest on a late night TV show. "My career as a tarento has begun!" she squeals, not knowing the trials and tribulations of biblical proportions that will follow.

Two years later, Rina is making the most of her "talent", which consists of shamelessly naming off brand goods that unseen suitors have bought for her in front of a camera.

Rina: “This CHANEL bag was a birthday present from Mr. A. This BVLGARI watch was a birthday present from Mr. B.” Celebrity panelist: “Hey Rina, how many birthdays do you have in one year?” (Cue: laughter, applause)

After four well-received stints as a "mashou onna" AKA "a devilish woman who drives men crazy with desire", Rina is soon pegged for more TV appearances. “Everyone began to notice my name and face,” she recalls. But her budding fame comes at an awful cost...

She can't strut around the neighborhood clutching her Gucci bag anymore without people trash talking her directly within earshot. "Is that mashou Rina? Is it really true that she got men to give her all those things?”

Only now, at the tender age of 22, does it begin to dawn on Rina "the more popular you are, the more people will bash you."

And that's just candy and nuts compared to the burn from the Internet! Rina discovers multiple threads about herself (probably on 2chan) that read like the short list of shit you really don't want people to be saying about you to the tune of “I saw her real face and she has really bad teeth and is really ugly. I was so disappointed. I wanted to puke after looking at her. She thinks she’s cool, but I think she’s had plastic surgery and is also having an affair with a rich old man.” (like c'mon, Internet, who isn't?)

An unidentified man in a shiny red car tells Rina, “You don’t have to care about what people say about you on the Internet. As long as you are in the media, people will be nice to you and they'll also bash you, too." But only Rina knows how deep the abyss really is. "Mostly people were gossiping things about me that weren't even true...but sometimes...sometimes they mention things that only a close friend or myself would know about."

The TV producers keep demanding that Rina continue to play the mashou for the camera, and the rumors keep flying. "She's cute but...I heard she had cosmetic surgery." "What an awful girl..." Right on cue, Rina starts losing her marbles like in a bad J-Horror flick. "I'm scared! I'm scared of people's EYES!!!"

Rina loses her appetite and can't even bring herself to woof down mom's home cooking like before. "I had so many problems that I forgot about eating," she tell us instead of a therapist who would only say, "hey, that's show biz."

As Rina begins to drop way below her fighting weight, a kindly TV producer tells her, "There’s a rumor going around that you have an eating disorder. If you have a bad image, you won’t get picked by a sponsor to do a CM. You have to do something about it now." Instead, Rina goes into an extended fetal position on a downward spiral. "My stress made it hard to eat. I didn't have any confidence to keep going...eventually, I lost my regular TV work."

Rina's life is saved when two old friends tempt her back into something approaching normalcy via some magic yakitori skewers. "As my TV work was getting less and less, I finally started achieving some balance in my life." But not in her bank account. Like Scarface if he had lived, Rina has to climb for the top again from the bottom up.

Searching for the meaning to life's inner truths, Rina enters the "yoru no sekai" and becomes a hostess. After she's served a lot of drinks and learned a few lighter tricks, the customers are doing wonders for her self esteem by saying stuff like "Rina, you've gained a lot of weight! You used to be so skinny, but now you have a perfect figure!" Yakitori and working nights lead to a new breakthrough as Rina discovers that she's been called in by her old talent agent. "Its been a while since I heard from him..."

"Hey Rina, have you heard of this crazy magazine called...um...Koakuma ageha? Yeah, I don't get it, but anyway there's this whole "little devils" craze going on right now and the editor in chief remembers your 'mashou' act from TV and was wondering if you'd be interested in doing some modeling for them. Sorry I couldn't help you when you were having a hard time. But I think you're confident and ready now."

This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius for Rina. "I realized that nothing in my life had been wasted. Everything was connecting and I was ready for this opportunity. My friends were always there for me, no matter what state I was in. My family tried to support me even though I couldn’t eat what they cooked for me. Now, because I have experienced failure, I understand people's hearts and humanity. I became a woman who can appreciate many things. I will do my best at everything I can do."

After the stylist, hair, and make-up people have attended to her, the cameraman gives the OK. "Rina, here we go!"

And then she drinks a beer.

THE END

An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla

ePiSoDe 79: Smart phones arent that smart (determined to get to ePiSoDe 100)

2010-01-28T21:17:00.002Z

It's a shame that i fell off the proverbial wagon after doing so well for 2 years. Alas, constant jokes about abuse, semen and all things racist finally took its toll on my sanity and i lost it. I didn’t completely loose it in a celebrity kind of way, i.e;

'Look at me! I can't handle life because of all this pressure form being in the public eye, i need desperate help. I know I’ll seek refuge within the public eye, that'll fix it'

Leaving things are 78 didn't feel right, so now i'm determined to reach ePiSoDe 100 and end this 'thang' and my life if need be...............joke, no really Dr Hartmen, I’m not suicidal anymore (wink).

For someone who has to use computers all day and uses the internet to project his thoughts; i really hate social media networking in a big fucking way. I'm talking bigger than Jesus, but not bigger than the Beatles.

See what i did there, i tried to be ironic by making an out of date cultural reference so that it would never me out of date; jokes on me though, nobody cares about Jesus anymore.

Shiro 3 : Religion 0

So this whole idea of ‘smart-phones’ is completely lost on me, especially when people try to justify them in the following manner;

It’s like a PC on the go! You can word process (boring), listen to music (most artists these days suck), access Facebook (don’t get me started; read it here, here and here) and generally look cool!

The main issue i have with all of this, as always, is honesty. These smart phones weren’t made for all of the above, they were made for one thing and one thing only; accessing the most filthiest and perverted porn on the go.

Don’t lie to me Apple, you just want to be able to make that anus look great on that 9 cm (3.5 in) liquid crystal display (320×480 px at 6.3 px/mm, 160 ppi, HVGA).

ePiSoDe 75: Forever a fan? Part 1

2009-08-02T21:32:00.004+01:00

Fandom; is it a way of life or just a phase? As i get older (see Madonna, i can deal with it, why cant you?), i wonder how much longer Production IG and Bandai Visual will keep me entertained for? However, considering that you need a mortgage to purchase most Bandai Visual products, maybe this isn’t a bad thing...........

Since finishing uni and getting a ‘real job’, i no longer keep up with the world of anime/manga as i once did. Well, i never really kept up with it in the first place. Never considered myself an ‘otaku’, just curious, curious enough to give it a chance but not curious enough to allow another man to penetrate me.

Apparently, otaku’s have an expiry date of 27 years (sic), which is not hard to believe. By that time most people will have settled down in their career/job, found a partner and started thinking about a family. Do they really have the time to post on Something Awful/4chan regarding Air Gear, My Hime, Strait Jacket, Sky Blue, Burst Angel (and all other terrible shows)?

Sure, you might have found someone who shares the same interests as you but that will only take the relationship so far. And let’s not forget that most of these people are destined to die alone with one hand on the mouse and one hand south of the zip.

ePiSoDe 74: For the sake of Re-l Mayer, stop name dropping.

2009-06-14T22:40:00.006+01:00

Is it just me, but are people naming dropping more so than ever? Maybe i’ve just become more aware of it as i’ve become older and more senile, but people, mostly women, seem to keep name dropping at every opportunity.

Name dropper: “Yeah {insert dropped name} and i are {insert activity that i couldn’t give 2 fucks about}”

Me: “Ok, who’s {insert dropped name}?”

Name dropper: “You know {insert dropped name}, their my {insert relation to name dropper}”

Me: “Oh....... ok”

In my head – [What the fuck? Why would i know who the fuck that is? Do they think that i give a fuck about their day to day lives enough for me to know who they hang out with?

Nobody cares, nobody cares about you and your insignificant life you idiot, and if they did, i'm the last person you should be talking to.

Shit, i’ve been talking in my head for a while now and they’ve probably continued talking to me, better make some sort of response]

Me: “Emm, I don’t believe they ended the A Team, that show had legs”

They seem to do this a lot in anime as well, the biggest culprit coming from the soulless but beautiful Ergo Proxy. I lost count of the amount of times i heard “Vincent Law”. For god sake woman, wear some brighter clothes, get a tan and find a man who isn't a looser by day and demon/proxy (?) by night.

ePiSoDe 73: What’s the point of the Pussy Cat Dolls

2009-06-04T21:17:00.007+01:00

Skipping the usual foray for lack of updates, riddle me this batman; what’s the point of the Pussy Cat Dolls? I mean, I get their main purpose; commercialisation of mediocre looking women for the sake of money, but what i don’t understand is why there’s so many of them.

Only one of them seems to get any exposure and actually SINGS on the tracks;

Case in point 1# - Only the ‘Hottie’ sings

Case in point 2# - There is only one ‘Hottie’

Don’t they know business 101: no ethnic minorities representing your company...... .......

Erm, i meant 102: cut excess baggage and streamline your organisation, don't they know there’s a recession going on?

Ignoring the fact that their music is badly produced and unsympathetically tedious, if they reduced their numbers, and didn’t rely on simply looking slutty, they might be on to something. I don’t think i can deal with another pretentious indie band

For the sake of zombie-Jesus, let’s not continually churn out the manufactured and reality tv shit and let’s get the true musicians on centre stage. That’s right; we need to get some mascara wearing, Guitar Hero playing, skinny jeans wearing, fleetfox listening douchebags get some fucking limelight.

ePiSoDe 72: The "Facebook Experiment" Part 2

2009-04-24T23:30:00.007+01:00

We all knew what the result would be.

In the same way that y=2x; hot Japanese girl x Facebook = depravity of men.

Having made my fake profile, i did nothing more than post a couple of pics and voilà; instant adding from random men.

However, if i get off my fucking high horse for just 2 minutes, this really proves nothing.
Men have always been slaves to female attraction, and if there’s a slight chance of them getting their nuts fondled with, they’ll pretty much do anything.

ePiSoDe 71: Don’t be a Tinman

2009-04-05T16:51:00.005+01:00

It was created in the heat of the moment, a moment where we struggled to encapsulate the lack of effort/action on our part to reach our desired goals. But then he said it; he referenced Lyman Frank Baum classic 1900 book, almost certainly without much thought, and why not, it made so much sense, and i quote;

“Don’t be a Tinman”

And he was right, we were like the Tinman; constricted in our movements, mechanical in our speech and cold in our hearts. We were the very connation of a ‘Tinman’ and nothing could have been more discouraging.

And that was how Tinman made it into our itinerary vocabulary to describe anything and everything restrictive. The only way to combat ‘Tinman’ was with something along the lines of;

“Fuck Tinman, fuck him and his crew of misfits, especially the lion. Fuck the Lion from Narnia who’s name I don’t know, and fuck Narnia as well while we’re at it. Fuck that stupid film and all other Disney movies apart from Sword in the Stone, Jungle Book and Robin Hood. Fuck that Disney has a financial stake in Pixar and that they keep churning out shitty CGI films. Fuck the film industry for keeping that doucebag Zac Effron employed. Fuck High School Musical, High School Musical 2 and to a lesser extent; High School Musical 3 for generating interest in musicals within a younger demographic ...”

You get the point......

ePiSoDe 70: The "Facebook Experiment"

2009-03-13T21:11:00.008Z

I finally did it; i just couldn't fight the pressure any longer, I joined Facebook.

But before you shout 'gutter sucking douchebag', i joined for one reason, and one reason only; to conduct the "Facebook Experiment".

The plan wasn't to say anything for a while, but i figured it wouldn't hurt to mention it.

What is the "Facebook Experiment"?

Well, at first, i really wanted to post sleazy/inappropriate comments, but then i saw something greater, something worth pursuing.

So there you have it, you've been warned; i'd avoid adding any random people for a while, especially if they're 'Too good to be true'.............. (rubs hands gleefully)

Oh, and just so you know, i've trademarked the word; "Facebook Experiment" in conjunction with the picture, so by law, you have to show that picture within 100 character spaces of the that word.

Question is; am i lying?

ePiSoDe 69 (giggle): The Fat Girl Angle Shot (FGAS)

2009-02-15T12:21:00.006Z

Sometimes, just sometimes, the hideous and depraved internet will make passionate love with the broken and fragile minds of the youth, and together they will formulate something so powerful that even Jesus would have a problem explaining it.

Shiro 1 : Religion 0

I give you, the ‘Fat Girl Angle Shot’.

(i have more of an issue with her make up than anything else)

I’m not implying it’s a bad thing in a Simon Cowell way (cold hearted son of a bitch) as to ridicule these people, but I do love the idea that people (mostly women) who are larger in size, have such low esteem that they would consciously manipulate their appearance in photos to make themselves look slimmer and ‘hotter’.

(would you say no?)

Awesome! We’ve finally reached that pinnacle in society that all of our fancy gadgets and technology are aiding decline in social acceptance.

(Hmm, not convinced that she's that 'fat')

I guess my first question is; why? So that we can have more friends? Is it so important that guys ‘think’ that you are attractive? Is it important that losers such as ‘Jay153’ ‘stumbles upon’ your profile in www.getacfuckinglife.com and leaves an important message such as the following;

‘Hey baby, you look fine! Want to hook up with a hero? Holla back’

Firstly, Jay153 sounds like a jerk, any person who starts a sentence with the words ‘hey baby’ is likely to find small children attractive. In addition to this, he assumes that he’s a member of the Justice League or something to that effect which is highly unlikely. I’ve never seen any episode with the Green Lantern hanging out with a doucebag at the Fortress of Solitude. Well, unless you count the Flash.

One could argue that this does nothing but harm our perception of reality; our Ego if you like (Structural Model of the Psyche), and we all know how fucked up it can get if our Ego is out of whack. People start believing in the most fucked up things and then try to rationalize those fucked up things, a little like religion.

Swoosh! Shiro 2 : Religion 0

So what have we learnt today? Well, firstly, if you don’t like being overweight you should probably put the fork down. However, if you like who you are and how you look, you should be proud of who and what you are and not portray yourself as anything else.

ePiSoDe 68: I feel a little cheated, just like sex with a hot blind chick

2009-02-07T00:12:00.007Z

Having enjoyed the BBC show ‘Undercover Princes’, I was left feeling rather deflated and cheated by the time it reached it’s final episode. Not only was the ‘big reveal’ seem pretty uninspiring and uneventful, all of the ‘Princes’ reverted to their old ways and couldn’t settle for a ‘commoner’.

Which made me think; is the notion of mixing and surrounding ourselves with the same type of people help or hinder our progression in society? Granted, surrounding yourself with drug dealers and alcoholics won’t hinder your career as a pop star, oh, no, wait a minute……..

(what a guy)

Everyone is always bitching how we should ‘just get along’ and ‘accept people’s diversity’, but where does preference come into this integration? If a white guy prefers to hang around with white people, does that make him narrow minded or is it just a preference?

And while we’re on the race thing, let me just say the following;

Whoop! A (semi) Black President! Awesome, no more racial slurs and offensive comments to ethnic minorities……..oh, no, wait a minute, what did you say Prince Harry to that Asian guy?

(i'm glad we've got him as the potential King of England)

Well, at least he’s not referring to black people as some type of dark skinned troll……..oh, no, wait a minute, what did you say Carol Thatcher to that Black guy? Oh dear…...

(no you're right Metro readers, it's not offenive at all)

ePiSoDe 67: Don’t be a PHP (Playstation Home Perv) Part 2 (would you do it in reality?)

2008-12-30T23:11:00.006Z

Continued from Part 1

I didn’t think I had more to say on this, but you know me; I occasionally get that empty feeling inside my dark matter infested soul when I don’t have something to bitch about.

So, what else is utterly fucked up in the world of Home?

Well, i think it’s wrong when 36 year old men are chatting to 16 year olds. Granted, you cant tell someone’s age until they tell you (and that could be a lie), so it is possible that a 49 year old man could innocently be chatting to a 15 year old girl.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those guys who thinks that we should bubble wrap everything and everyone, nor am I saying that if you are over the age of 30, you shouldn’t be allowed to play these things, but surely the ownership is on the older person (male or female) to not get themselves into that situation, in the same way a 49 wouldn’t go to a rave/club/party for under 15’s.

And there lies the rationality and responsibility that we should all reinforce while on Home, Facebook, MSN, World of Warcraft et al;

‘Would I do it in reality?’

Would a 49 year old go up to a 15 year old and start having a conversation with them? Legally, in the UK at least, there is no crime for doing that, but lets be honest for a second ............. isn’t it a little ........................... fucked ............. up?

Humans seem to loose all sense of decency when the internet is concerned. But maybe, just maybe, people are simply being their true selves when acting like a pompous prick online. I witnessed someone on Home call someone else a ni**er for no reason; is this people’s true nature?

Which would in turn change the idea of; ‘Would I do it in reality?’ into ‘Can I get away with it in reality?’

Which is a much more frightening question...................

ePiSoDe 66: Why Ressentiment?

2008-12-27T10:43:00.006Z

Ressentiment is a sense of resentment and hostility directed at that which one identifies as the cause of one's frustration, an assignation of blame for one's frustration.

The sense of weakness or inferiority and perhaps jealousy in the face of the "cause" generates a rejecting/justifying value system, or morality, which attacks or denies the perceived source of one's frustration. The ego creates an enemy, to insulate itself from culpability.

You owe it to yourself to read this manga;

Ressentiment

ePiSoDe 65: Don’t be a PHP (Playstation Home Perv) Part 1

2008-12-24T10:53:00.010Z

That’s right, after a year of delays, Home is out, and guess what? Not only is it a fucking mess, it has shown me a new depth of depravity within the social structure of reality.

Firstly, micro-transactions can go and fuck themselves in the ear. I don’t care that EverQuest, Second Life and other social life draining software are doing, you can’t look at me in the eye and ask for £3.99 for furniture and not smile at the same time.

£0.79 for red jeans? You must be out of your fucking mind Mr Sony.

But that’s not even the saddest part of it; you see every skirt that walks past in Home will be utterly harassed by men in large groups. Think about it as verbal group rape, on a virtual scale. Not cool, and I’m not exaggerating. With a male and female avatar, I’ve seen first hand how creepy guys can be.

Firstly, you guys come on way too strong, you can’t ask my age right off the bat. Trying to find out if you’re stalking a minor or not is still wrong if you’re stalking them. Also, asking if you want to watch the vide screen does not count as a date; i don’t put out that easily.

Oh, and if the girl refuses to play pool/bowling with you, it does no mean that they’re playing hard to get (you fucking social rejects).

I guess this is proof of my theory; women + videogames = depravity of men

Part 2

ePiSoDe 64: Ressentiment & Japanorama no more?

2008-11-19T21:03:00.010Z

Just a quick (yeah right) update before i stick something of value up next week.

• How awesome is Ressentiment? I've never read a 'scanlation' of anything in my life, but it really does put Welcome to the NHK to shame. It's sad though, NHK started out so well (Vol 1) and got so monotonous after a couple of volumes. Still, it was a lot better than To Terra Vol 1 (i predict hate mail for that comment).

• Pepsi tastes better than Coke, fact!

• In relation to Ressentiment, i've been thinking of changing the name for a while and I’ve narrowed it down to the options on the left, you decide! (actually, I’ve already decided, but you're input always helps)

• Jonathan Ross is a complete pussy to apologise to the BBC and its retarded audience who complained. Now we'll never get another series of Japanorama, doucebags!

• Andy, incest is wrong, it doesn’t matter if everyone in the Westcountry does it, it's still wrong

• Hi no Tori Chapter of Dawn (Tezuka season at the Barbican) was the worst film i have ever seen, i don't care that the (3 or 4 bits of) animation was directed by Osama Tezuka. You fucking lied to us Helen McCarthey, that shit was fucking awful, and i quote; 'don't use the green mold, the blue mold heals'. Are you out of you're fucking mind?

ePiSoDe 63: I'd never heard of Lehman Brothers until recently

2008-11-02T20:28:00.009Z

I know, I know, I’ve not posted in a while, I did mean to, honest. You know how it is; you sit down to write one of these things, and you suddenly get attacked by Jesus in a pink shirt waving a Single Action Army.

So, this whole ‘credit crunch’, guess i should have a lot to say about it huh?

Well, not really, hands up who didn’t see this coming? Yeah, it was an obvious failure, just like Lindsey Lohan’s relationship with (insert whoever Lindsey Lohan is dating now, could be a guy, could be a girl, who knows? The fun is guessing who she’ll date next; I’m guessing it will be someone ethnic or disabled, it has that glossy magazine controversy to it).

Slightly off track, but i guess we should be grateful that the UK Government can spend nearly £37 billion to save our economy.

Huh? What do you mean that’s tax payers money? Erm, so they asked us first right? Oh? So they’ll cut back on frivolous expenses like weapons and the war in Iraq to compensate, right?

Oh, well, at least none of those bankers will get a bonus...... oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?

Ok, that’s cool; I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. That’s of course ignoring the desperate situations of ethnic minorities and 3rd world countries. I guess the death of countless child labourers is nothing compared to a couple of power suit wearing douchebags.

You’re probably thinking along the lines of;

‘You pompus prick, the banking system is the backbone of our entire economy and social structure, without it, you wouldn’t have the opportunities that you have now’

You’re right, without Slave Trade funded, reparation denying banking system, I wouldn’t be here, not a lot of us would (read into that what you want).

On a lighter note, at least it’s made us forget about the Iraq war. And I’m sure we’ll soon forget about the credit crunch with some BBC scandal of some fashion (wink).

Satanic Sluts, really?

ePiSoDe 62: Shiro’s Fashion Fix

2008-10-08T16:16:00.004+01:00

Once in a while, we need to be told the God’s honest truth. Whether that means we should stop stalking that guy/girl who get’s on the same bus or simply admitting that 1st cousin’s are far to close to ever be considered a ‘healthy relationship’.

So in theory (just in theory), these fashion documentaries that we get once and a while that gets a ‘celebrity’ to scrutinise a particular aspect of the fashion world; whether that’s being a size zero, having cosmetic surgery, buying from Primark or getting airbrushed, these are great shows for ‘telling it how it is’.

I do however, have a problem with the ambiguous messages of these shows.

“Isn’t it obvious” you might ask?

Well, no, and don’t interrupt me while I’m in mid sentence.
See now I’ve forgotten what i was going to say. Hmm, something about panty shots, topless women............... oh yeah,

To take one example; there was a show a while back about a female fashion journalist was investigating the reasons behind the popularity of cosmetic surgery. What really made me question the who validity of the show was how she was totally against it, and how she vowed that she’ll never have it done. Low and behold, she ended up getting surgery.

Truth is; obvious hypocrisy doesn’t piss me off at all; she seemed pretty flaky and uninspiring to begin with, it’s the fact that she works in the fucking fashion industry that made me question the validity of her journalism. Surely, she is one of the major factors why women have such low esteem. You could argue that maybe, just maybe, the whole premise was intentional to make people think and question the journalist, and therefore, yourself. However, the chances of that being the case is as slim as Obama winning the Presidential race (c’mon, do you really think that gun-toting, Iraq bombing, weight-gaining America is going to allow a Black President? They voted for Bush not once, but twice!).

I then thought to myself, “hold on, didn’t this same individual take part in a show a year or so ago ‘investigating’ that whole size zero fiasco?”

Hmm, and how did she go about ‘investigating’ this? She tried to become a size zero ‘to see what it was like’. Give me a break, she obviously wanted to loose a bit of weight, and used the show as an excuse to fit into those jeans she bought a while back.

I don’t think that the women who read these magazines and buy into all of this are stupid, just impressionable, and i think it’s a total injustice on their behalf to try and pretend that you care for their well being while lying to them and yourself. We need more people like Gok Wan being positive about how we look at ourselves.

If I’m totally missing the point, and being a complete douchebag, please tell me and point out where i’m wrong instead of simply telling me that i’m wrong.

ePiSoDe 61: London Transport Must Be Destroyed - Commuters

2008-09-28T21:59:00.004+01:00

Good lord, what the hell is wrong some of you doucebags?

We get it; you’re in a rush to get to work and check your emails and Facebook. The only people who should really worry about getting to work on time are those who are actually making a positive difference, say, i don’t know; doctors!?

And while I’m on subject, I’m still very pissed that Footballers and other celebrities make more money than people who actually save lives. Let it be noted that I actually care for my fellow man, unless he takes the Morden via Bank.

But seriously Mr, why so grumpy? Is it because work life is getting you down? Can’t afford to keep your partner happy, keep up with the Jones and still be financially in the black?

That’s a shame, i thought, with that expensive ‘power’ suit that you’re wearing and pretentious book you’re reading written by Richard Dawkins automatically meant that you’re in total control of your life and that you have zero things to worry about.

And you Miss, why so grumpy? You look great with all those layers upon layers of make-up that you’re wearing. And i think its awesome that you’re one of those women who are in their mid 30’s, single, working in the PR/Advertising/some other related industry that you fell into and insist on being referred to as Ms instead of Miss.

Although i’d love to continue this barrage of irony and sarcasm forever, i’d just wish that you all took a deep breath and got things into perspective. i know that all of you are decent people for the most part, just collectively, like the Borg, you’re all a bunch of jerks.

Oh, and one more thing i hate about commuters; those having intimate conversations on their phone. I don’t mind people doing it, i just don’t want to have to hear the intricate details of what you did last night and how every time you cough; you can taste a little seaman or where your boyfriend is taking you on holiday for one last fuck-fest before he dumps you for your younger sister.

ePiSoDe 60: London Transport Must Be Destroyed - Buses

2008-09-20T10:24:00.007+01:00

As iconic as they are, if you live slightly outside of central London, you can forget about actually seeing a London Bus. The most inspiring words that i have heard in a long while came from a young lady no older than 18, and it was;

“Where the fuck is 221 at man”.

(She has a point)

And I agreed with her poor sentence structure and phrasing, where indeed was this illustrious 221(the name of the bus)? I’ve been waiting here, like a retard for around 20 minutes, I’ve paid nearly £140 for this ticket that guarantees me passage on your voyage between point A & point B, and yet, you decide to turn up when you feel like.

Are you Black Mr 221? Do you run on your own time schedule? Do you envision yourself grinding white women as the pinnacle of your existence?

Do the laws of the space time continuum have no relevance in your reality? Has the Large Hadron ColliderLHC) already fucked with the world and banished you to the nether regions of the universe? And so, I must resort to the statement from Miss ASBO 2010 and reiterate your words;

“Where the fuck is 221 at man?”

(Where are you?)

ePiSoDe 59: London Transport Must Be Destroyed- London Underground (part 2)

2008-09-02T20:57:00.007+01:00

Waiting for a train is the most infuriating thing that i have to deal with on a regular basis; I’d even argue that it is more uncomfortable than the menstrual cycle.

I don’t know about my fellow commuters (who I’ll get to soon enough), but I really have to question this whole public service. Must I constantly mutter; “Where is the fucking train?”

It’s un-fucking believable that in this time and age, where we can stream live videos of naked women from a basement and spend billions of money on weapons that can split atoms; we cant get the Morden via Bank to come any quicker.

And if there is a mention of a delay, it’s always a ‘signal failure’. For utterly buttterly fuck sake, if you actually took some time to fix the signal properly, it shouldn’t fail again. If it does just happen to fail after you ‘fixed it’, that obviously means that you didn’t fix it properly the first time.

The worst part however is when the train finally arrives and you’ve built up so much rage and anger that you cant wait to give it a piece of your mind. Alas, by the time you’ve sat down and started eying up that attractive lady with the wet looking hair (you know who you are); you’ve already forgotten all about it.

ePiSoDe 59: London Transport Must Be Destroyed (part 1)

2008-08-31T18:43:00.011+01:00

Greetings to all those unfortunate to have landed on his page after looking for porn or something to that effect (i use analytics; don’t think that i don’t know how some of you got here).

After a hiatus of a couple of months, I’m back, and what’s changed? Well, apparently not a lot as Paris Hilton/ Amy Winehouse etc still seems to be more important that the many conflicts and depravities around the world.

(such beauty and grace)

And who the fuck is Rhys Ifans? Seriously, who is he? Why is he i every edition of the London Lite and London Paper. I know, I know, those newspapers suck, but i don't have balls to whip out DS and play Ouendan on the train.

(Osu!)

Anyway, apart touch screen gaming and Ms Hilton, what else is new?

Well, London Transport has just jumped ahead Cosplayers on my 'List of things to Destroy By 2011'. Oh yes, i have a list now.

(Offical Shiro Yui List of things to Destroy By 2011)

ePiSoDe 58: Is it 1985 again?

2008-08-17T08:12:00.007+01:00

Why oh why is it the ‘in thing’ to wear glasses indoors? Firstly, there isn’t enough sunlight to warrant you wearing sunglasses that dark. Secondly, why are they so huge? Is it 1985 again?

(you look awful, seriously)

If so, Simple Minds and A-Ha better get some recognition this time around. Most importantly, wearing sunglasses indoors is ‘really really’ stupid, as is ‘blowing up the ship’ (none of you will get that reference as it was from Nadesico, i don’t care if no-one else liked that show so i’m not cutting that reference).

(Gai Daigoji, he is the man!)

What makes it worse is when people wear them on the train or at night time. What the fuck people, there is an abundance of sun at night time, that’s why it’s called ‘night time’. Look, look, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night/Wikipedia; (the source of all knowledge, cough) clearly states that;

‘Night or nighttime is the period of time when the sun is below the horizon. The opposite of night is day (or "daytime" to distinguish it from "day" as used for a 24-hour period)’

See, see? The sun is below the fucking horizon, below, the sun is below, therefore; there is no need for ‘sun’glasses. Please, tell me if that didn’t make sense as i can draw a diagram and use sock puppets to illustrate further.

(we call this 'night time')

Usually, this is the part where i continue ranting; knowing that no-one else can see what i can see. However, i went out to a bar a week back, and the lady i was with looked around at one gentleman who was indeed wearing sunglasses indoors and then said to me;

“Isn’t it a bit stupid to wear sunglasses indoors, at night?”

I’m thinking of asking for her hand in marriage next time i see her.

ePiSoDe 57: War, has changed?

2008-07-12T12:05:00.006+01:00

Well, not exactly, war is still the beast that it always was; feeding of the weak to fuel the strong. Oh, and yes, I has been a while, although do not expect to see anything new until September.

What I did want to mention was how awesome MGS4 is and that you are a retard if your gripes with it include any of the following;

Long cut scenes: No shit Sherlock, the series is renowned for that, its one of its signatures, if you don’t like it, then fine, but don’t mark the game down because of it.

Fiddly controls: My idea of fiddly controls would be a game such as Steel Battalion, or any game on the PC. If you’re too lazy to learn a new control method other than ones used in FPS’s, fuck off.

Complicated storyline: This pisses me off the most simply because the story line isn’t complicated if you passed any of your GCSE’s.

Oh and yes, more deserving of high score than Halo 3, there, i said it, let the hate mail begin!

ePiSoDe 56: 1 year on....... still sick of you all..........

2008-06-22T11:53:00.004+01:00

Who would have though that I’d still be here a year on?

Ok, recently, I’ve not posted as much as I used to due to other commitments, and so, I’ve dropped the ball. Although, what I have been able to do is take a step back and reflect on the past year’s trials and tribulations.

The whole point of this was to therapeutically deal with certain issues as I was too cheap to hire a real psychologist. And let’s be honest, you don’t need a degree to call yourself a psychologist, studying the mind is like studying Madonna’s vagina, it’s a bottomless pit of dark turmoil that will never end.

(its a long way up there)

Although it succeeded in dealing with those issues, it did create a routine to deal with those issues. It has become a routine to complain and bitch about whoever and whatever. It has become a routine to oppose the mass majority and disagree with the general consensus.

However, in light of what was just said, I have to add another class of people to my hate file; commuter couples. You know what I’m talking about, couples who commute together on the train, and just love sticking their tongues down each others throats. As cute as it is to see first thing Monday morning after breakfast, I wish you’d show a little restraint. Yeah i know, it sounds totally jealous of the ‘happy’ couple, but I don’t give a fuck.

(bah, humbug)

ePiSoDe 55: The General Public

2008-06-15T18:50:00.008+01:00

No, I’m not dead, but with so much going on these days, it’s hard to find the time to put out quality posts that are full of swearwords and arrogance that reek of Shiro Yui. In addition to minor distractions (like life) and all of those hookers I’ve been killing (virtual hookers of course), finding time to wallow in self indulgence is a luxury that not even Bill Gates could afford.

Although, i would really appreciate some of Bill’s cold hard cash, even if it was gained through monopolising his target market through over saturation of his 1 and only unique selling point, milking the breasts out of Windows until just a rotting saggy lump of tit known as Vista remains.

Anyway, I’d thought id leave you with something not written by me, but by a friend named Dave on the general public. Enjoy it, you might learn something.

Shiro Yui

I Hate the General Public-

They're the reason why doing anything in Britain on a weekend or bank holiday is a major trial. Yes, people. They get in the way, they make places busy, and they make things you want to go to sell out. They have a false sense of their own importance and significance to the rest of the world. They are the lowest common denominator and inevitably spoil things for the rest of us.

They take up all the parking spaces. They are invariably stupid cretinous chavs. On average, they have the reading age of a nine year old. They talk about celebrities on first name terms because they don't have any friends of their own. They are responsible for the popularity of ring tones, and thus all those annoying adverts for ring tone companies on sky. They clap when planes land. They help get Mr Blobby to number one in the charts. Selfish, incompetent, stupid, hysterical, unreliable, ignorant... in short total bastards.

It's time to take a stand against the general public.

By Dave aka Mr Ass

ePiSoDe 54: Self confessed ‘female gamers’

2008-06-08T08:07:00.009+01:00

I hate the term; ‘female gamers’, more now than ever before. My initial reasoning behind this statement is because of the perceived ‘power’ it seems to grant those self confessed ‘female gamers’. Automatically it makes them seem more important than regular gamers, as if they are more special simply because of the vagina. Sure, the vagina is powerful, but is it more powerful than Superman? Probably, which means that Supergirl is automatically more powerful than Superman just because she has a Kryptonian vagina.

I think i already mentioned the site Thumbandits, solely dedicated to ‘female gamers’. Content wise; its pretty dire, but at least they have content that doesn’t base all of is articles on how oppressed women are in the gaming industry. On a totally unrelated note however, after a quick glance of the forums, i noticed that it consisted of mostly men trying to get the Gamertags of female gamers so they can ultimately get some type of intercourse in a darkly lit alley.

Anyway, although it is true that women who like videogames aren’t as prominent in the media (ignoring Jade Raymond, Emily Booth, Sophie Blakemore, Aleks Krotoski etc), but neither are Indian people or disabled people. Should those people start calling themselves ‘disabled gamers’? No, they shouldn’t even have to label themselves as gamers in the first place, let alone disabled. This also links to my hatred for the term ‘pro gamer’, but I’ll leave that for another day.

Suffice to say, I think its narrow minded and elitist to only consider PC games such as Quake/Counter Strike etc as the major medium to determine what defines a pro gamer.

I started (and then stopped) listening to a podcast called Gamer Girls Radio where ‘pro female gamers’ discuss various gaming topics, usually in relation to Halo, Counter Strike, World of Warcraft, EVE, Second Life or any other stereotypical PC videogames that sucks the social life out of semi-normal individuals. Don’t get me wrong, I think they do a great job as they are highly entertaining (although the sound quality is awful), but I cringe every time they talk about the plight of female gamers and how sometimes are harassed online if other players realise that they are female.

I’m sorry, but so what?

There are worse things going in the world than some 13 year old jerking himself off while harassing you in World Of Warcraft, believe me. Its not just women who get abused online, you might be non-American, non-white etc, that’s not to excuse that type of behaviour, its just to simply put the topic into perspective.

ePiSoDe 53: The reality of anime

2008-06-01T16:15:00.007+01:00

Thank goodness that anime/manga is nothing more than entertainment, think about it;

Relationships-

(an exception to the rule)

As common as romance is in anime, not a lot of them seem to work as they should. Sure, you probably have the opportunity to see your perfect guy/girl everyday at school/work/spaceship cafeteria, but you won’t have a chance to ask them out or tell them how you feel until the end of the 26^th episode or when the semester is ending. Oh, and apparently everyone is ‘in love’ and no one simply wants a little nsa, the only time you can apparently feel lust in anime/manga is when its spontaneous rape.

Employment-

Luckily though, there are many employment options, such as a hired killer, hero or pilot of some kind. The most popular of pilots is a Gundam pilot; although the person specification requires you to be a jerk and die for no reason if you’re a supporting character, especially if it’s being directed by Tomino himself.

Why did you kill off Emma in Zeta Gundam? Why!?

(Why?)

Pay doesn’t seem that great as you’ll be stuck in the same green t-shirt for the whole 50 episodes and you’ll probably have a breakdown after your potential lover is ‘accidently’ killed.

(Jerk)

Although, if the thought of being slapped about, sorry, ‘corrected’, by your commanding officer in every other episode is a little depressing, you could always be a sporting hero of some kind. For that to work, you would need to be pretty slow and know relatively nothing about the sport that you happen to excel at as it wouldn’t work any other way.

ePiSoDe 52: I’d rather be a narcissistic jerk than a narcissistic douchebag

2008-05-24T16:14:00.005+01:00

Although I came to this realisation long ago, it only hit home recently that my demeanour is less than ‘graceful’ and that my contempt for materialistic trinkets doesn’t bode well for surviving in the in the 21^st century.

That’s fine, I’m ok with it (wipes black tear from left eye), what I’m not ok with is the thought of lowering my ‘standards’ as I get older, becoming more ‘reasonable’ and less ‘arrogant’.

I like who i am, I’ve always liked who i am, but at the same time, i’m fully aware that life for those around me would be a little bit easier (and a lot more boring) if i were to compromise.

I know that if it were to happen, it will prove that I’m just another product of the social order and that life is nothing but a collection of phases that we go through to prepare ourselves for the purest of tRuTh’s; we’re all going to die alone and no one gives a fuck about what you have to offer.

Not to be dramatic, but i really have no idea what to do with myself as i’m sure that you don’t either. I don’t think i can ever truly be happy with what i currently have. Not on a materialistic standpoint, but on a physical/mental one. Its not that i want more, as mentioned in my last post, i want less, i want things more simplified.

And as true as that probably is, I’d hate to fit in with everyone else just get a think that my current beliefs and actions became affected by others as i matured and that I began to censor myself in life.

I’m not just saying that because I have the medium of the soulless web to say so.

Its the thought of having to relate with idiots who’s idea of a good time is getting ‘rat-arsed’ at the local pub every Friday night, or even worse, being part of the indie boy/frat-boy circle of chumps who like to dine on something pretentious and sip coffee in Starbucks while typing out an email to their ‘client’ on their wi-fi enabled laptop while listening to Razorlight’s ‘In The Morning’ on their iTunes playlist.

(pretencious twat)

In other words, I’d rather be a narcissistic jerk than a narcissistic douchebag

ePiSoDe 51: There are 3 types of blogs………………

2008-05-17T17:57:00.004+01:00

The blog that really wants to be a well written article that deciphers its subject matter in the most minute of detail. Usually written by wannabe professional writers who want to get a book deal after ‘honestly’ describing their love for staring at men’s crotches on the tube. I hate this type of blog solely on the intention of its writer, forcing intellectual debates on the most arbitrary of topics such as ‘reality TV losing the plot. News flash fuckers, reality TV never had a plot, that was the point, it s supposed to be normal people in ordinary situations, not normal people in extraordinary situations.
The blog that lists everything that the writer did, similar to a diary. I have no obvious issue with this, only that some things should remain personal such as someone’s first period or something to that effect.
Finally, there is the blog, that’s not really a blog. A ‘blog’ that makes use of a blogsphere space to do whatever the writer see’s fit, usually a hit or miss affair with no resounding beginning or end. There are only a handful of these compared to the many of the above. One example is Patrick Macias blog; ‘An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla’ an informative and quirky look on all things Japanese related.

ePiSoDe 50: Shiro's guide to attracting women.......

2008-05-10T15:35:00.003+01:00

Be a total bastard – women admire a total jerk who has no genuine feelings for her.
Lie at every opportunity – women can’t tell when you are lying, use this as your advantage.
Be a complete pussy – if you can’t stand up for what you believe in and wuss out at every opportunity, she’ll take pity on you, thus access you to her pussy.
Be unfunny. Women hate funny guys, they love those monotonous boring retards who’s idea of a joke is racist ad-libs.

(All views expressed are purely bullshit, DO NOT mistreat women in any way or i will hunt you down and cut you.)

ePiSoDe 49: Fission Mailed

2008-04-23T16:05:00.007+01:00

How hard is it to anticipate that one of the flagship titles on your system is going to be very popular? Huh Sony/Kojima San? I know how ‘online’ on consoles is ‘alien’ to you in Japan, and the idea of emulating the successful Xbox Live service is similar to ‘welcoming the reds through New York’, but surely providing a (free) open beta to represent your forthcoming product that is less than a couple of months away in such a fucked up fashion is highly unconvincing to those who consider the online aspect of the PS3 as an afterthought.

(as smug as he looks, he's a genius)

I like that they opened the MGS Online beta for free to those in the UK, I really do, that’s awesome, just don’t claim to do something and then fail to do so. It’s like your father claiming to be there for Christmas, and then finding out that he’d rather see the drunken Santa's penis for ‘fun’.

(i never liked the idea of him coming down my chimney and emptying his sack)

And speaking of homeless, where the hell is Home? If you need to start charging for a better online setup, then so be it, make it an option for those who like their online to actually work, but don’t bullshit us, especially those who bought your Blu-ray player at full price when it came out.

And finally, what’s the deal with LittleBigPlanet, Killzone 2, Afrika etc. I need something to stick in there so I can justify its purchase. I refuse to buy inferior versions of games that are better on the 360, you’re freaking rich you jerks, sort it out.

And while I’m on the topic of videogames, here are the ones that I expect to be playing this time next year;

Marvel Vs Capcom 3 or a HD version of X-Men Children of the Atom, Power Stone 3, Shenmue 3 (see a pattern huh), Guardian Heroes (remake or sequel, I don’t care), Burning Rangers (remake or sequel, I don’t care), Panzer Dragoon Saga (remake or sequel, I don’t care), a decent StarFox game on the Wii using the analog for control and the IR for shooting, a decent Gundam game or a graphical update of the ‘Gundam Vs Gundam’ arcade game, Street Fighter 4 (I know its coming), a Zelda game that doesn’t use the same generic formula since Ocarina Of Time (more Majora’s Mask please), Second Sight 2, Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy 2, Shadow Of Rome 2, and most importantly, NO MORE HALO/SCI FI FPS’S RIPPING OFF ALIENS.

If you can make at least 3 of those things come true, I’ll stop ranting about stuff and wear a t-shirt saying; Krispy Kreme, so good, I’ll suck a dick.

(Yum)

ePiSoDe 48: crazy chicks and douchebags

2008-04-09T13:04:00.011+01:00

Ah, men in clubs, haven’t we done this before? Well, yes. But i had to share new perverted insights into the scrotum infested male mind.

I could never understand why some men actively stalk women in clubs after they’ve been told to ‘fuck off’. Sure, a little persistence doesn’t do any harm as some women want you to work a little. It makes us more resilient and more likely to take risks, but lying and being a total prick is another story, actually, the following story to be precise......

So two friends and i were out at a bar and a slightly tipsy, but friendly girl; who we now refer to as ‘crazy chick’, seemed to take a shine to one of my mates’ so decided to harmlessly hang out with ‘crazy chick’ and her friend on the dance floor. So there we all were when all of a sudden, some guy pushes past us and starts dancing in front of me. So i back away as I didn’t want to dance with a guy, unless it’s Takeshi Kaneshiro, or this guy;

I don’t care that we wanted to dance with ‘crazy chick’, but at least have some courtesy when doing so and after a frowned look on my part, he apologises and says;

“Don’t worry, I’m not gay, I’m married”, as I backed off, convinced that i was about to be infected by his creepy douchebag-ness.

(douchebag of the year 2007)

Still slightly tipsy, ‘crazy chick’ backs away as he proceeds to hug her and it is at this point that my friends and I look at each other as if to say; “So, he knows her then?” With this little incident resolved (we thought), we continued to mind our own business and enjoy the rest of the night when he decides to come up to me and say;

“That’s my girl”. “No shit Sherlock, I could not have worked that out without your input” was planned to be my final word on the matter as I was starting to get irritated by this guy, but just then, ‘crazy chick’s’ friend approached this jerk, and he soon disappeared. More confused after watching an episode of Lost, I ask the friend;

“What’s that all about, don’t you know that guy?” and as if offended by the very question, she looks at me puzzled as she replies; “No”.

Hmm, a message to you sick, slimy and perverted men out there; stop being sick, slimy and perverted men and allow women such as ‘crazy chick’ to have a fun night out without you hassling them.

Oh, and the reason why we call her ‘crazy chick’ is because soon after, she got escorted out of the bar because she got into a fight with some other girl after a mix up. I wasn’t there for that part, but I hear she went crazy, hence the name.

ePiSoDe 47: wishing for the internet to break

2008-04-02T22:21:00.007+01:00

I’m getting sick and tired of having to rely on the internet for everything these days. Although the simple resolution of ‘don’t use it then you twat’ could be argued, it doesn’t help when alternative methods of contact are diminishing in favour of the soulless web. It would be just ‘super d-duper’ if the internet wasn’t heavily relied upon for pretty much everything.

Soon enough, it’ll be raising our kids, or, maybe one could argue that there is already a generation of ‘children of the net’. If we were to consider that nearly 50% of teens in the UK with internet access have a social networking profile, would it be unreasonable to assume that this generation seem to know more about the web than their parents, and with guys like Mark Zuckerberg already running the show at the age of 23, maybe it’s not so farfetched to consider that the internet is becoming the ‘be all’ and ‘end all’ of society.

We’ve become as dependant on the internet as white middle aged women have become dependant on Oprah.

Maybe you consider that to be a good thing, maybe you don’t. Personally, I would sway more to the latter, simply due to the consensus of ‘everything in moderation’. I have no problem with the internet, just society’s dependence on it and the continuous push of everything to be online; online gaming, online shopping, online dating, online friends, online courses, etc.

I’m just waiting for online to go online, that’ll be sweet.

And yes, i am fully aware of the hypocrisy; ranting about how dependant we are on the internet, and the fact that I’m using the internet to do so. Let’s make it clear, I’m not asking for censorship, I’m just asking for a little restraint on everyone’s parts. Oh, and it would be great if people didn’t expect a reply to an email they sent within the next 10/20 minutes of them sending it, this just forces people to continually log-in and out of their email account.

My solution would involve the internet shutting down for a month or so, no Xbox Live, no Facebook, no blogging, no downloading, no communication, no email, no nothing. One ponders on how we’d all cope; would society deal with it and move on or would it cause mass hysteria and a global depression?

Lets hope so, there’s nothing like a good depression/recession to keep us all in check and teach us that moderation is the key. So how would we go about ‘breaking’ the internet? Well, apparently, GTA4 was able to slow things down with its initial trailer, so that leads me to conclude that to completely break the internet, Rockstar need to release an online only GTA game for the Wii. In turn, Rockstar makes more money than God and I’ll get my recession.

ePiSoDe 46: Chocolate Israelis & Post-Op Transvestites

2008-03-23T12:56:00.007Z

It’s Easter time, a time of chocolate, eggs, bunnies and the nailing of a Jew to wood (probably balsa) as a sign of authority to all who opposed the current regime.

I couldn’t think of a better way of celebrating the death of a decent guy who did nothing but spread peace by giving unfairly traded chocolate to spoilt children who know nothing of his significance or sacrifice. Some say that the eggs signifies new life in reference to the resurrection, but I’d more prefer if they focused on the significance of the torture and being paraded as a joke in the form of a chocolate Israeli.

You might noticed that I’ve taken this to heart a little more than usual, especially as i may have come across as a narcissistic atheist who (and i quote) ‘hates everyone who............well, let’s just say that I hate everyone’. Although it sounds weird, I’ve never doubted for one second that there was a guy named Jesus who went through that ordeal. Sure, certain acts of his may have been exaggerated, like when a friend says that they slept with a ‘hottie’, and she turned out to be a post-op transvestite with a large scrotum (?).

Considering how ‘anti-religion’ I am, I guess it’s a major contradiction on my part to have this belief, but it’s a belief that not even a bottle of herpes cream can get rid of. Which is just as hypocritical is how angry I get when I hear people use his name in vain, especially people like myself who’s relationship with God is similar to the relationship between myself and Salma Hayek (unfortunately non-existent). This is in addition to my constant cursing and bad mouthing of fundamentalist/fanboys whose basis of an argument is based upon their belief/faith rather than the facts.

Well, at least I'm smart enough to know that flying planes into buildings, blowing up trains full of innocent people and commenting on games on Amazon that I’ve never played with gems like; ‘I’ve seen a screenshot of this game and it’s gonna be awesome because i pre-ordered it!’ is just retarded.

ePiSoDe 45: Timeless Shiro Yui Quotes..............

2008-03-13T21:19:00.004Z

This all in-one complication can now be yours for just £179.99 (just happens to be the price of a Wii) featuring classic quotes from the idiot, that is Shiro Yui;

‘Isn’t the Internet great? I can now order used panties over ebay at a fraction of its true price (priceless) as opposed to nicking them from my sis… never mind.’

‘If I was from Uzbekistan and I went to study in London, what would be the point of me hanging around other Uzbekistanis? Surely I should be embracing London’s bad taste in fashion, lack of inspiring music and poor immigration policy.

I should be hanging around everyone but Uzbekistani’s, right? What makes it even worse is that if you tried to approach the Uzbekistanis, they’d make you feel like an idiot for trying. Shame on you Uzbekistan, shame on you.’

‘Gundam Wing taught me that it’s okay to tear an invitation to a girl’s birthday in front of her face and mutter; ‘I’m going to destroy you’. It really does feel good when you say it, sure you end up with a slap, no dates and weird looks, but it’s totally worth it.’

'Another thing, why do I always go for women who already have a boyfriend? However, the f***ing worst part is that they never mention it until 1 year of friendship (you know who you are bitch, you wasted my time).'

'I'm pretty sure that if I asked a random idiot what the results were for Arsenal/Man U’s last 6 games and they answered in record time, no one would think it twice. However, I can assure you that if you mention Naoki Urasawa or Mamoru Oshii in front of the opposite sex, you’re going home by London Transport with no ‘nookie 2nite’.'

'The Internet also allows us to download pictures of Halle Berry really fast, so, you know, that’s like, got to be a plus.'

'Just because you could help cure AIDS or feed a starving country with the budgets of these films and salary you pay iconic actors like J-Lo, doesn’t give me the right to insult them. Whatever people, the adventures of Neo or saving lives, I think you totally made the right choice.'

'We’re talking young, old, men, women, men that look like women leading to embarrassing situations revolving the zip on your trousers and so forth.'

'Only 4 people alive are more twisted than me, the Olsen Twins, Hillary Duff and Hideki Anno.'

'Just to clear some things up, I’m not a womanising player who goes from girl to girl every week; it’s more like twice a week. That was a joke as I’m actually a nice guy in small doses and have never been unfaithful. Sure, I’ve thought about it, but I could never do that to anyone unless Takeshi Kaneshiro came along, that guy is a total dreamboat.....................'

ePiSoDe 44: individuals who are known due to actions that have no correlation to their ‘talent’ in question (part 2)

2008-03-08T21:19:00.006Z

Continued from Part 1 And it’s not just them; it’s this whole ‘Reality TV’ obsession, turning every retarded concept into a prime time show. But even worse is when they take one of us (the resistance) and turn them into one of them.

I liked always enjoyed the show ‘Balls of Steel’, broadcasted in the UK by Channel 4, the show’s premise was for people to do something particularly daring. You had the bunny boiler, a hot actress chatting up men who were out with their girlfriends, most of the time in succeeding in showing how shallow minded these men really were.

Then you had Oliva Lee, an acid tongued presenter who would try her best to humiliate celebrities though various acts. An almost anti-Christ of today’s celebrity obsessed society. However, today I find out that she’s presenting a show in the US called ‘Battle of the Bods, guess what the premise of this show is folks;

‘five female contestants rate themselves from 1-5 in order of attractiveness, based on different criteria, including their faces, butts, chest, legs and a full rank, in comparison to the other women.’

It’s a shame that this is what she has been reduced to presenting. Fair enough, I’m sure she’ll throw in a few sharp comments, but would they carry any weight considering she’s presenting the show. Another shame is that this is actually press and attention whereas the awesome ‘Aliens in America’ is getting none.

I’m really hoping for a recession in this current celebrity climate, to quote Unbunny;

‘Let it all burn’, I say.

ePiSoDe 43: individuals who are known due to actions that have no correlation to their ‘talent’ in question (part 1)

2008-02-28T10:14:00.011Z

A message to all those buyers of OK! Magazine and all other similar publications;

Go and fuck yourself.

Seriously, remove yourself from this site and login into to facebook to comment on the newest ‘funny video’ posted on your wall; ‘LOL’.

It is you; yes you, who are actively funding the creation of soulless untalented personalities (insert anyone who was in Big Brother). Some might argue that it is the consumer (you again) who are worse than those fame hungry fuckers, those very same fame hungry fuckers who think that being famous constitutes as a career path.

It is you, yes you, who are stripping these people of their self confidence and are the very reason behind their constant trips to rehab and weight problems. Having said that, some argue that Ms Winehouse is actually talented and I would agree. i just have one issue with that train of thought, and it is this;

(Long rant regarding race coming up, skip if you’re fed up with hearing it from me)

Why is it that countless black women with a ‘black’ singing voice fail to claim the admiration of the public and industry, where as, soon as a Jewish lady comes along (with alcohol/drug issues I might add) who sings as if she were ‘black’, wins countless awards?

Huh? Oh no, I’m not accusing the music industry, along with the film and TV industry to be racist, I wouldn’t dream of it……….. besides, those industries aren’t made up of just empty seats, they’re made up of people in those seats, people like you. Part 2

ePiSoDe 42: Slight inklings of yaoi action and homosexual tendencies on my part.... (part 2)

2008-02-19T09:28:00.007Z

Continued from Part 1 I thought women were less shallow in terms of aesthetics than men? I guess it proves they’re nothing more than lying, uterus owning, multi-tasking divas. Then again, I can see the attraction; the long luscious hair, big eye lashes, silky skin......................

Of course, not all yaoi/BL have these traits, the same way how not all Shōnen-action shows have a mind numbingly retarded main character and a better developed (and more interesting) supporting cast.

You could also argue that there are romantic plots of ‘kiss and chase’ between the guys and that they’re all of legal age unlike the vile and fucked up formula of Loli/Shota. In addition to this, men have had their ero-anime/manga (hentai) for a couple of decades, so it is only fair for women to get their ‘perve on’.

However, is it just me, or is explicit yaoi/BL seem to be more acceptable than explicit ero-anime/manga?

Whenever i listen to a con report by AWO, and they happen to be interviewing a woman, they all seem pretty open to admit that they enjoy watching explicit yaoi/BL and are all attending this event for some type of ‘sleepover’ involving late night screenings of hardcore guy on guy action.

Is this down to the way yaoi/BL is marketed towards its audience?

Yaoi/BL seems to be distinctly upfront in regards to its intentions when compared to ero-anime/manga’s ambiguous positioning. In addition to this, a greater degree of care seems to be taken with its releases with a more organised focus in its production and advertising with a stronger backing behind its distribution (in the U.S) by companies such as Tokyopop and Digital Manga Publishing supporting the yaoi/BL market.

Or it could be simply down to the fact that women are more upfront in terms of sex in general, and in turn, more honest about their fan-girl obsession of yaoi/BL than men who love all things tentacles related?

ePiSoDe 41: Slight inklings of yaoi action and homosexual tendencies on my part.... (part 1)

2008-02-08T20:40:00.004Z

Caution: those offended by the discussion of guy on guy activity and slight homosexual tendencies on my part should ignore the following post, you have been warned!

Question; when did it become ‘erotic’ to watch teenage boys jerk each other off? Did I miss something? Remember; this is the same sweaty hormonal demographic whose idea of ‘romance’ involves a box of tissues and that film with Jessica Alba in a swimsuit.

The definition of yaoi by the worlds greatest source of knowledge; ~~the Bible~~ Wikipedia, states that it is anime/manga consisting of ‘male/male homosexual relationships and is marketed at females. In Japan, this genre is called "Boys' Love" or simply "BL", and "yaoi" as a genre name is mostly used by western fans.’

So lets break it down for those who didn’t understand that; there are a sub-sector of women in the country of Japan who are targeted for explicit hand drawings and animated shows depicting young men butt-fucking (even I had to censor that out) each other. Is that clear?

I believe that i am safe to say that the majority of male characters within yaoi/BL, share the ‘pretty boy’ trait. Which leads me to my next question; Are feminine looking men more attractive than men who look like Kenshiro?

A knee jerk reaction would conclude that all women have lesbian tendencies, but that would be an uneducated and ignorant evaluation of the situation. Similar to reviewing an entire show/game/film without actually having seen it (cough, majority of reviewing bodies throughout the western hemisphere, cough).

My next question; is the act of men ploughing each other only attractive when one of the men is totally against the gay sex from his superior until the notion of being raped by a guy is no longer ‘cool’, and so, he gives into it? Part 2

ePiSoDe 40: How to tell if a girl likes you (part 2)

2008-02-01T11:55:00.003Z

6. Continued from Part 1 Be cool with her friends but don’t be too friendly, especially if she has a hot friend who licks her lips a lot.

7. (very important) If you do like her; FLIRT WITH OTHER GIRLS. Make her as jealous as possible; she’ll learn not to mess with you knowing that you can have other women and that you’re doing her favor.

8. Get to know her, tell her you like her and just see what she says. But if she does not like you, keep going; NO means ‘I want you to try harder with your lackluster lines and poor sense of direction’.

9. If she mimics your movements, then this is a genuine sign that she wants you inside her.

10. Be jealous that other men talk to her more. Correct her sins by terminating every guy that even looks at her, that’ll keep her in the kitchen.

(All views expressed are purely bullshit, DO NOT mistreat women in any way or i will hunt you down and cut you.)

ePiSoDe 39: How to tell if a girl likes you (part 1)

2008-01-24T20:26:00.005Z

All women are the same (fact), so this guide should guarantee some type of oral activity;

1. Strike up a small conversation, do not look at her breasts, regardless how nice they are.

2. If she constantly makes attempts to touch your hand, she wants your hand in marriage, be cautious as that didn’t work out too well for Paul McCartney.

3. If she's flirty, she may be difficult to read. Flirtatious girls are usually boring, it's the quiet ones you want to hook up with.

4. If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she likes you, or wants you dead. If she’s carrying a weapon of some kind, it’s most likely the latter.

5. She most likely will never dream off while you talk to her, unless you start explaining the intricate differences between Macross and Robotech. Part 2

(All views expressed are purely bullshit, DO NOT mistreat women in any way or i will hunt you down and cut you.)

ePiSoDe 38: biting the hand that feeds............

2008-01-09T16:25:00.001Z

No jokes this week, I was told an interesting story recently that i thought i should pass on;

I know a guy who volunteers for an organisation who holds activities and social events for teens affected by HIV. More specifically, they focus on raising awareness of the virus amongst the black community.

Running late in the evenings; minicabs/taxis are also provided for those who attend, ensuring that they get home safely. Not only are meals catered for, but entertainment such as DVD’s and PS3’s are provided through donations from the local community and businesses, helping to comfort those in a position that one could only imagine as horrific. There was even talks of a donation of a Wii, although, after the following incident, I doubt Nintendo are going to provide one.

And so, at one session, a short film was to be shown, however, the designated DVD player was in use at the time, so they decided to make use of the PS3 (about time) for its DVD playback.

After the showing, my friend noticed one kid (18) hanging around the PS3, asking a whole load of questions. Suspicious, my friend asked if he needed any help getting home. Declining at that offer, my friend thought that he would give this 18 year old HIV positive black guy the benefit of the doubt and headed to the bathroom.

You’re probably wondering why I underlined the words; 18 year old, HIV positive and black guy. The reason is, simply being one of those things usually leads to persecution in some form, to be all three is asking for trouble.

Still curious however, my friend decided to head back, and as he returned, his initial suspicions were proven; the son of a bitch was sneakily placing the PS3 in his bag, exiting the building and into his designated cab.

Confused by what he saw, my friend headed to the reception desk, asking whether the kid had permission to take the system home with him. Shaking their head at this question, he quickly acted in calling the driver of the cab in which this kid had taken, calling him to come back.

Leaving his bag in the cab, the kid was questioned by the organisers on the whereabouts of the PS3. Denying all that was asked, it was only after the driver brought in the kid’s bag that they found the PS3, claiming that he only did it to pay off his dealer.

Wow, to think that after all that had been provided; shelter, entertainment, helpers, food, travel, security etc, he still had the audacity to steal from this organisation who was trying to help him.

ePiSoDe 37: A statement of the tRuTh?

2008-01-05T10:17:00.001Z

The evenings are becoming worse as you feel empty, surrounded by those who have found meaning, fuelling their drive and lust for life. You look on in despair, questioning your actions thus far and whether the decision that you made were the right ones. Old acquaintances thriving in their current state where you are not; same old routine, same old life.

Nothing’s changed, and you slowly begin to realise that nothing ever will. Depression hits you hard as you absurdly try to justify the life that you’re currently living. Failing to do so, you look to blame others, claiming that it’s not you who is at fault, but everyone else. If it’s not the media, its religion, education, the government or who ever else you consider holds a position of power over you.

Fortunately, finding faults in others promptly leads to finding faults with yourself, and it is at that very moment that you being to realise the TrUtH of matter. The fault is within you, the fault of being weak and unrealistically comparing yourself against the masses of sheep who follow one another in the routine of life as they aren’t strong enough to follow their own path as you have done. It is the discovery of this weakness that provides strength and meaning to you once more, ignoring the rule of the social order;

Get married and have a big family, while working for the corrupted system that not only pays you for your insignificant contribution to the decline of society, but also penalises you for being part of that very system in the form of taxes and restrictions on your right as an individual.

Powered by that ignorance, you pave an individual quest to enlighten others who have forgotten, or were ignorant to the tRuTh; reborn in spirit, you rename yourself in the process to add a new identity to this persona of grandeur.

However, the real tRuTh is that there is no real tRuTh, never was, never will be.

ePiSoDe 36: New Year Blues.....................

2008-01-01T10:55:00.001Z

So 2008 is here, although to me; it’s just another day. Others seem to add significance to the beginning of a new bullshit year, quoting New Year resolutions and plans; tRuTh is, the New Year is nothing more than a new excuse for all the fucking failings of the last year.

And when this year doesn’t work out for you as you planned (and that’s bound to happen), you’ll simply have to wait until the 1st of January 2009 before you can start anew.There is no fucking new slate, there are no new opportunities, new beginnings; it’s the same thing on loop, the sooner you realise this, the better.

Having said that, I’m really looking forward to Metal Gear Solid 4, Genshiken: Season 2 and the climax to Monster.

Happy New Year Fuckers!

ePiSoDe 35: videogames, no hardcore allowed?

2007-12-28T20:37:00.001Z

For the first time ever in my life, I actually saw an advert for World Of Warcraft (WOW) on terrestrial TV in the UK. What the fuck is going on?

I’ve never played WOW (nor do I ever intend to), but for a game of this genre to be advertised towards the mass public really shows how we’ve come. Sure, it’s on of the biggest MMORPG in the world (maybe the biggest), but could anyone ever predict that a niche title with the ability to turn social twats into reclusive twats become mainstream enough to be advertised across the nation?

When did gaming as a form of entertainment become so ‘acceptable’ that the boundaries of ‘hardcore’ and ‘casual’ gaming began to blur? Is this Nintendo’s targeting of women and hormonal mothers changing gaming’s perception, or was this simple evolution of the industry; moving through its product life cycle from growth to maturity?

Is the boom of social networking sites and ‘rich media’ pushing MMORPG’s as the next level of social interaction? Are we in an era where it is highly probably that Facebooke/Myspace users will ditch their static surroundings of pictures, tags, pokes and video sharing for a full 3D environment, where instead of flaunting their ‘heavily doused in make up’ pictures for slutty looking elves?

Who knows, but that’s a hell of a lot of questions..................

ePiSoDe 34: Unsociably Social?

2007-12-23T22:59:00.004Z

Noooooooooo!

How the hell did Jessica Alba get pregnant? She promised that I was the only one! That lying tart, how dare she get impregnated by someone who had a hand in directing that gawd-awful Fantastic Four.

Anyway, considering that I’m either referencing something Japanese or complaining about something that the majority couldn’t give a toss about, I should be a complete and utter looser (no laughing at the back). And yet, I find myself constantly socialising at every opportunity. If I’m not at one pretentious bar full of posers in pink shirts (wink), I’m at some event fuelling my arrogance even further with knowledge that isn’t going to impress the missus.

And I’m not the only one, it’s now considered to be cool if you’re interested in something that the general masses aren’t. Not only are there people who can differentiate between 720i and 720p, but they can also have a girlfriend, work within new media/web 2.0 with their over-styled hair, skinny jeans and tight t-shirts.

Originally, I hated these people, but I then started to realise that I was starting to become one of these people. I found myself purchasing one of those slim black ties to wear with a suit and blue jeans and brown shoes.

Luckily, like a punch in the gut from your alcoholic father, I came to my senses and banished those styling habits to the furthest corner of my closet. tRuTh is, there nothing cool about fitting with the masses, that’s the very reason why reading those shitty glossy magazines and looking like you’re a member of McFly is totally un-cool. Oh, and FYI, I have issues with McFly for two reasons;

FACT #1: The main dude with blonde hair tried to hook up with my friend’s ex while they were still going out.

FACT #2: Another one started dating a friend of a friend who is 5 years younger than him.

Equally however, actively trying not to be like everyone else is just as stupid. You are who you are, which leads me to the following point;

I shouldn’t be judging those pretentious twats, we’re all pretentious twats in our own way. You can’t judge an entire group of people based on interaction with a few, that’s prejudice (see, some way or other, I always make my way back to racism).

ePiSoDe 33: Real life women Vs Dead Or Alive women

2007-12-18T10:37:00.001Z

Oh my goodness, has anyone seen the endings in ‘Dead Or Alive 4’ and not been totally insulted by them? I’m a guy, a heterosexual male who often makes macho jokes about the female species and vaginal discharge, but even I was totally offended by these cinematics. Just in case you haven’t seen them, or you were too busy using up all those tissues, take a gander below;

When I first saw this, I got so angry that I nearly miscarried. The first sign of its retarded-ness (i made up a new word) is evident in the song playing in the background, lyrics including ‘touch me’ and such. Secondly, why in hell would you wear such a tight top that doesn’t support your bust and a skirt that is no longer than a centimetre?

Everyone who has ever seen ‘How to Look Good Naked’ knows how important it is to wear garments that actually fit, she’s only doing more damage than good. Finally, is it fair to applaud a total bitch after she kicks a guy out of a moving train for accidently grabbing her chest? I think not..........

Although not as bad, this ending also infuriated me with its ‘panty shots’ and constant ‘jiggling’. No wonder why videogames like this are viewed as ‘faff’ material, how many women do you know parade their chest on top of a balcony for the neighbours to see?

Most importantly though, how would you be able to achieve such movement with such a top heavy figure like that? Okay, fine, I’ll pretend that its possible, why is it, after precession cutting of vegetables and catching of toast that she slips after hearing a door ring? STUPID!

ePiSoDe 32: A fist full of Christmas (not cool Sidra)

2007-12-11T21:06:00.001Z

Christmas reminds me of women’s ‘special time’. You try to avoid talking about it, but still manages to creep into the conversation. For some reason, my friend insists on telling me when she’s ‘feeling it’, regardless how much I plead her not to inform me of her situation. Not because I don’t care, but I’d rather not know this information while I’m in a cafe eating with another woman. Not cool Sidra, not cool at all.

Which brings me nicely back to Christmas.

Anyone who has ever worked in retail during the Christmas period knows how painful it can be. You’d rather stick pins in each eye, forced to watch Hollyoaks in slow motion while gargling seamen (not your own obviously, that would be just sick).

I’ve given up trying to reason with people and their hypocrisy when it comes to festive seasons. The fact that they’ll happily celebrate the commercial side of Christmas; the sending of presents, Christmas cards, goodwill and STD’s, but ignoring the rest of the package that is faith/religion.

Come’ on people, stop with the needless buying frenzy, don’t you understand that loved ones simply want to be close to you. Or in some cases, want to simply abuse the hell out of you, like that winter in 2004, all I did was use the brown tape instead of the cello-tape, I learnt my lesson though...........

So yeah, less fisting, more hugging.

ePiSoDe 31: Japan Foundation: Japanese Cinema for busy People, 24th October 2007

2007-12-08T16:20:00.003Z

So we’re back again for more random outburst of pRaVaDa/tHe tRuTh, aren’t you excited? We’ve missed you all so much, just how a crack addicted hooker misses the abuse from her ‘clients’ after a week in rehab.

Think of this week’s topic as a spiritual successor to the London Expo 2007 entry, and if you haven’t checked that one out (ePiSoDe’s 26 & 27), I’d advise that you do, just to get things into perspective.

It was only 3 days after the abomination that was the Expo that my friend and I attended a lecture in London entitled; Japan Foundation: Japanese Cinema for busy People, Japanese cult culture: anime and fantasy. Yeah, it’s a long title, nearly as long as my……………. nah, I’m not going to make that joke only one paragraph in.

Speakers included one gentleman named Chris Fell, director of Leeds International Film Festival, and this little known lady called Helen McCarthy. It was because of Helen that I wanted to go to this lecture in the first place as, in my opinion; I’ve always seen her as one of the most prolific authors on anime and manga in the west just after Patrick Macias, Jonathan Clements and Paul Gravett.

Chris Fell’s segment focused on Japanese cinema, with special mentioning of Tokusatsu, J-horror and Takashhi Miike. A highly informative talk littered with short clips, it served its purpose as a great introduction to Japanese fantasy cinema, something that I’m not particularly literate in. Apparently, 98% of all films made, aren’t screened in UK’s cinemas, which is proof of too much JLo and not enough Miike. We were also shown the original trailer for Gojira (Godzilla), Urutoraman Makusu (Ultraman Max) and the hilarious looking Dai Nipponjin.

Helen’s lecture followed suit, although I was initially surprised at her appearance. I’d always had a mental image of this lady, but never thought of her to look as the way she does. It’s hard to explain, but I never imagined for her to look like a cookie baking grandmother, while being so enthusiastic about the Dirty Pair (one of her favorites) and Macross. It blew my mind, and even now, I’m still in awe of her knowledge and charisma. It really put the whole fucking London Expo experience into perspective; from those ‘attention whore’ cosplayers to the bullshit powered ignorance of thinking Boys Love, Shōjo-ai and Shōnen-ai is all Yaoi (sigh).

Helen’s enthusiasm on the topic kept me pretty much hooked on every word, I only hope to be as infatuated with anime in the next two years, let alone 25+ years. Author of ‘The Anime Encyclopedia’, co-written by Johnathan Clements, Helen’s lecture gave a basic summary of high profile releases in anime; from Osamu Tezuka’s Tetsuwan Atom (Astro Boy) to Makoto Shinkai's Hoshi no Koe (Voices of a Distant Star). It was both humbling and informative to hear her passion for all things Japanese and animated, even finding time to answer a few QandA’s such as why subs are better than dubs, and why she believes fansubbers are more of a curse than gift.

However, the most important thing I learnt was how I’m always right.

Think about it, London Expo cost £8 for entry, after lining up for more than an hour to get in, and then they expect you to pay £15 for a photo/signature of dub actors, people who had no involvement in the making of the show. In opposition to this, the lecture on Japanese cinema cost £0.00 and we had the opportunity to not to only speak with someone who is highly regarded, we didn’t have to pay for photos or signatures.

So, again, fuck you London Expo and anyone else who thinks they’re important enough to justify a fee for their presence.

ePiSoDe 30: if i was an alcoholic...................

2007-12-04T09:31:00.002Z

20XX, a day like no other, a day when I thought it would be smart to list the things that make me sick, just to make myself feel better, especially after watching some hooker on Trisha complaining about her ex-boyfriend, who she claims had been sleeping with her best friend.

In actual fact, he was sleeping with her dad, and apparently, she herself is sleeping with some guy who happens to be her auntie’s cousin’s milkman who she knew from way back. Back when Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles was on BBC1 and Andy Peters was presenting in that broom cupboard with that duck puppet who looked like he just escaped from Alcatraz.

And at that realisation, I directed my attention towards the kitchen, looking for something to snack upon.

Unfortunately, I remembered that the monkey who was living under our kitchen sink was there, refusing to cook me anything. He needed to pay his heating bill and we took pity on him, thus leading to his employment at our place of residence. It was only then that I realised that he wasn’t actually working, just throwing faeces everywhere.

So I killed him with a Jamie Oliver endorsed knife, cooking him under gas mark 5 for 40 minutes, turning occasionally.

After realising that i wasn’t stuck in 1965 and that the Flux Capacitor was in fact powered by Mr Fusion and not petroleum, I decided to head out. To my astonishment, i saw a wild Pikachu and contemplated on catching him with my GS Pokeball. Unfortunately, my level 5 Squirtel was too weak to do jack, so I decided to throw the ball at his bottom lip, accidentally blinding his left eye.

Threatening to tell my mum that I threw something at his left eye, I tried to pay him so he wouldn’t tell my mum that I threw something at his left eye. The bastard then told me that I would need to pay him more if i didn’t want him to tell my mum that I tried to pay him off because I threw something at his left eye.

The fucker took the cash and i headed home astonished that i was conned by a fictional character, especially after last week’s encounter with Princess Peach at a club. She was really high from all the ‘mushrooms’ and ‘fire flowers’ in her garden so i offered her a place to crash for the night while her dad was home because she didn’t get on well with him after the divorce from her mum.

I didn’t mind, plus she said that she would hook me up with Zelda and the black chick from Destiny’s Child. I told her that they were all black, but that was all the information she had at that moment in time. Not wanting to take the chance of hooking up with the ugly one, I decided to decline after remembering how bad her solo album was.

My next move was to see if I could find a guy who knew what the Matrix was and how to open a carton of milk without spilling it. Unfortunately, I got directed to some guy called Lawrence Fishburne who told me that he was just an actor and that I should get a life and stop reading magazines like Marie-Bella, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Esquire, FHM, GQ, etc. He then told me that it was impossible to open a carton of milk without spilling it.

ePiSoDe 29: Manhunt 2 Uncensored

2007-11-05T15:31:00.002Z

Brace yourselves, you should only watch this video if you are over 18 and are just as sick and twisted as the creators of this game. Enjoy…….

ePiSoDe 28: Gay marriage & on/off switches in women's private parts

2007-11-02T11:13:00.002Z

I was asked to write about gay marriage, and not having deep feelings for the warmth of another man, I find it difficult to establish an opinion on it as it has no effect on my life whatsoever. Also, I lack the knowledge of the judicial system to justify arguments of either side, so what I will discuss is homosexuality in general.

On one side; as a straight guy, I find it really hard to understand why men would want to 'do' men. Not on a homophobic level, but simply based on the fact that men are kind of ugly in comparison to women. Plus, we have bits that 'dangle' and nothing to really hold on to. You know what I’m talking about, and men don’t have that awesome curvy hourglass figure.

Then there’s the whole black issue, I mean, how do you women\gay guys handle it?

Assuming that the there is some truth to the claims that black men are, ahem, bigger (I wouldn’t know), all I can say is that some things were meant to stretch and some things weren’t.

Also, i have this fear of things entering me from my backside, so for me it’s a no no. However, I have no issue with others wanting to do it. I’m not even going to say 'well is fine as well as they don’t do it in front of me' or ‘its cool as long as they don’t come on to me', as those views are really retarded, we’re talking Britney ‘hillbilly’ Spears retarded.

(no comment)

I would feel very flattered if a guy came on to me, I’d probably reject him unless he owned an anime/manga/videogame store that transforms to a giant robot more powerful than the Megazord, Optimus Prime, Giant Robo and Getter 1 combined.

(eye for an eye)

Anyway, now that I’ve exposed myself as a shallow hikiomori, I guess I could mention the gay marriage thing. Well, if we assume that marriage in the UK is traditionally supposed to be in a church between a Christian male and a woman, then I guess marriage should stay between those parties.

However, considering that the majority of married couples hardly ever go to church and are only Christian in name and not in actions, I feel that it’s pretty much pointless to refuse the right of anyone else who enjoys the farce of marriage. That’s right, marriage is a farce, you’re only going to end up getting divorced and having to give up half of what you own to a one legged bitch who was nothing in comparison to Linda McCartney.

To be fair, I should probably come up with reasons why it’s wrong, but I honestly can’t think of any good reasons. I suppose it could be argued that the bible says it’s wrong, but let’s not forget that the bible says a whole load of stuff.

I mean, if god created men and women, why didn’t he make all women like Chi from Chobits? Oh, and if you didn’t know, she was a female robot with an off switch in her, well, vagina. The show is awful (apparently), but CLAMP had a great idea, one finger would provide pleasure for her and peace for you.

(who wants to switch her off?)

ePiSoDe 27: MCM London Expo October 2007 (part 2)

2007-10-29T12:54:00.005Z

Continued from Part 1 I was prepared to take my punishment for being ignorant of the tRuTh, and no amount of crappy cosplay and signs reading ‘free hugs’ (sigh) & ‘will yaoi/yuri for pocky’ (double sigh) would deter me at this point from total enlightenment.

It was only then when it truly hit me, standing in that fucked up line with these fucked up people; to them, anime is just another form of entertainment, a medium that is a little different to the western cartoons as it has swearing and violence, but looks better.

A medium that has its own fan base who will travel a couple of miles to show that they know that medium, but cross won’t cross the line of ‘elitist’ support it by simply buying the dvd’s and being aware of who actually makes the show in the first place.

This new generation of anime fans are a polar opposite of those 10/15+ years ago who knew everything you could know about a show, from its director and animators to the voice actors and inspiration behind the show. A fan base that would go to these events just to trade VHS tapes and see the next episode of Macross or Yamato. I admit, I was never a part of this community then and i am not saying that they deserve a higher appreciation as fans over the new guys, but at least I am aware of what was then and what is now.

So, £8 later, and we were in, as angry/enlightened as I was at that moment, my friend and I decided to look around and meet some of the actors from Heroes & The 4440. So there I was, a dvd in one hand, waiting to get it signed by one actor (i hate sci-fi, but my brother had the dvd so I figured I’d take it to get signed) and as I meet this guy and ask if he could sign it, I hear the following;

‘You’ll need a smiley if you want a signature’ exclaims the tosser on his left. I replied ‘ok, for a signature? Hmm, how much is that?’ He replies; ‘£15 for a signature’. At this point, my eyes widen a little as i mutter ‘I’m sorry, what? £15 for his signature? That’s not going to happen, nice to meet you anyway, bye’

Ahem (brace yourself for a long rant), nobody on this godforsaken planet is worth £15 just for their signature, a night with Lucy Lu, Jenifer Love Hewit, or even that girl from Smallvile, yes, they are worth it, you sir, are not. So i walked off, confused that I travelled for more than an hour, waited in a queue for another hour, spent £8 for entry and then was asked for £15 just to get someone’s signature or photo.

Having split up earlier, I met up with my friend having told him what just happened, he replied;

‘Yeah i know I’m going to pay it for a photo shoot’, looking at him as strangely i reply;

‘What? Are you out of your fucking mind?’

Granted, it’s a hot(ish) m.i.l.f actress, but that is no excuse. Another thing that I noticed was how all of the events were centred on cosplay and at that point, I had enough, I wanted to leave, 40 minutes after getting in. But no, I had to wait for my friend’s seedy photo shoot with a woman twice his age, and that was that I guess, we left, not angry, but enlightened.

Note: In response to this very post on the Expo’s Message Board, you could say that i’m being a ‘tightwad’ (LadySpiderdust), and that ‘£15 is a reasonable amount’. You could also say that I should ‘lay off on the arrogance i seem to have in conjunction with my own views and morales’ (Shinsei) and that ‘if someone doesn't give a damn about seiyuu or what a director's previous projects have been, that's their prerogative’ (Adziu), well I would have to agree with all those statements and take them as constructive criticism on my approach to the event and my thinking.

To think that I should have loved the event and sucked off the staff and organisers on the message board by praising how awesome it all was and how I enjoyed reading all of those hilarious internet signs and slogans.

Firstly, I have no problem with people enjoying themselves, I simply don’t agree with event’s policy on focusing on cosplay and charging people for a signature, so I think you people are the ones who need to get the fuck over it.

I’m not angry, honest, I just wish that some of you would put down your fucking ‘Tokyopop rising stars manga’, took of your fucking Naruto headbands and shut the fuck up.

ePiSoDe 26: MCM London Expo October 2007 (part 1)

2007-10-29T12:43:00.005Z

Oh dear, where do I start? I suppose the beginning is always a good place unless you’re name is Haruhi Suzumiya where nothing is in order and the fans relish in its nonsense (sorry AWO, I don’t like this show in the slightest).

Anyway, having been to the event in May 2006, you would have thought that I was aware of what I was letting myself in for, alas no, I guess having written so much crap on woman as friends and why I hate Facebook, i seemed to forget the evil that is the MCM London Expo. But never again, it can never make me forget again, you hear me Michael Jackson? No amount of money is going to make me forget!

Meeting a friend once i arrived, we noticed how there was an absence of any line at all, however this line of thought soon disappeared as the guy at the entrance informed us that we couldn’t buy our ticket here and that we had to go down the hall to get a ticket. So we did, and when we came to this other place, we noticed that there was an entire hanger devoted to lining up for this event.

WTF!?, sorry I forgot I could swear on this site; What The Fuck!? So there we were, in the fucking line for 1 hour just to get into this fucking thing that was starting to scare the hell out of me, but as an anime fan, I had to persevere and support the UK anime scene. Sieg Zeon!

The first thing I noticed was how hyper the people around me were, the type of people who are probably posting on internet forums all day, complaining about the remastered DBZ sets and how cropped they are.

Aesthetically, most (not all) looked like twats as they cosplayed as ‘insert popular anime show at the moment’ or whatever they’re mum could make or order off ebay. Not only that, some were cosplaying as characters from shows that weren’t even licensed in America, let alone the UK.

Sure, I’m no fan of cosplay in the first place, but their attempts were so bad that even my friend became aware of my constant sighing. At first, i thought that my contempt for them all was due to my lack of understanding for these characters and the very people who watch them, but it was much more than that; it was their attitude. I mentioned in an earlier post how badly anime sells on dvd due to its niche nature, edits/dubs and people who justify their fansubs because they’re total inconsiderate bastards. Part 2

ePiSoDe 25: I am totally happy with the way I am!

2007-10-18T14:44:00.002+01:00

You know, in the past, I’ve made some serious accusations, some slightly humorous and some that wont hold up in court according to my lawyer.

I’ve always tried to be as honest as I could, not forcing a ‘fake’ persona of an ‘angry dude’ all the time, the same shit that Simon Cowell tries to pull off. Firstly, you look like a complete tosser with your high trousers and bad hair cut. You’re not fooling anyone with ‘original’ shows; you’re just repeating the same format every year with different names. American Idol, Popstars, Britain’s got talent, X factor etc, it’s the same fucking show people!

(you bastard)

When are you going to realise this, switch the TV off and start hitting your children? Abusing then to them point that TV becomes irrelevant and the neighbours start overhearing the abuse, forcing them to make a difficult (but important) decision to call social services and take away your kids. This then makes things uneasy at the next Christmas dinner, just like last year when you slept with your neighbour’s cousin’s son.

So the neighbours come and knock at your door, you stupidly open it and you find out that they tricked you because the social services are standing right there, taking the kids away. As far as you know, from now on, you have to report to a woman called ‘Wendy’ every Tuesday or you won’t get to see your kids for the next 6 months. All because you watched American Idol, proud now Mr Cowell?

Back on topic though, I think there are times when we should all be a little nicer, regardless of whether or not it comes natural to us. Therefore, just this once, I’ll let you in on something that could have a positive effect on your outlook on life. No, I’m not selling holy water in a bottle via a Christian channel claiming that it will ‘provide protection from sin’ while secretly humping all of the women in the choir.

(only $999999.99)

We’re all self conscious and can suffer from self esteem issues, triggered usually by our surroundings. Competing to impress each other in some form or fashion, thinking that by simply improving our self image, our actual image will also mirror that. The tRuTh is, that’s never the case as there are times that we would spend ludicrous amounts on objects just to make ourselves feel better.

I’m not self righteous enough to claim to have the answer to one of the human conditions or that what I say next is going to make everything better for you, but it provided me with a different outlook on things, so here goes;

You don’t need to be the greatest looking person in the world to be successful, nor do you need to be the smartest or richest, you just need to be honest enough with yourself to accept that you are you, and that I am me. Once you’ve accepted this, I mean truly accepted that we are all different only then will you be truly happy, and that’s all that matters, so fuck you world, I am totally happy with the way I am.

ePiSoDe 24: The obsession with scantily dressed women…………(part 2)

2007-10-17T09:51:00.003+01:00

Continued from Part 1

‘Booth babes’ and those alluring dancers in the music videos only seem to have one purpose, arousal of its audience.

Tell me, the last time you saw one of these ‘models’, did you either contemplate if she has a degree or how fast would you last with something as stunning as her?

I don’t understand why would you want to do this in the first place, and assuming that these women are being used as a sex object, are they any different than hookers? I know its going a bit far to suggest this, but think about it.

Both are selling their bodies at the highest price, the only difference is that one is enacting a physical act were as the other only suggests it.

ePiSoDe 23: The emblematic anime attendee & the illustrious con-hook-up (part 2)

2007-10-11T14:07:00.003+01:00

Continued from Part 1 Also, he doesn’t mention it but I’m guessing he’s also going for the con-hoop-up. Yeah, I only recently was exposed to the truth behind this new evil; it’s the idea that people attend these events to hook up with someone.

(Who wouldn't want to hook up with that?)

Now, this sounds weird to me as I always assumed that male anime fans/otakus/losers/geeks have social problems and could never get a girl, but apparently this shit is happening, and I’ve got to admit, this is the most fucking hilarious thing that I have ever heard. Give me a moment to laugh it out;

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh goodness me, ha ha ha ha ha, you poor bastards, ha ha haa

Anyway, this pretty much turns the whole stereotype of these geeks not getting any on its head, and I guess that these women attending are up for it as anime and manga only really exploded in the west because of its female viewership/readership.

(More female geeks needed!)

Go to ‘Borders’ or ‘Barns and Nobels’ and the most manga titles that they have there are shoujo, shounen ai and boys love/yaoi titles. Considering their ones who are fueling the industry at the moment, I guess they want to hook up with guys on the same wave length so I say good luck to them I guess.

(Otaku + Couple = Otaple )

Hmm, considering the London Expo (this turned out to be a bad idea) is coming up, I might ask around to see if this has reached these shores.

Ha ha ha, you stupid bastards, ha ha ha haaa

ePiSoDe 22: The emblematic anime attendee & the illustrious con-hook-up (part 1)

2007-10-11T13:58:00.004+01:00

I’m sorry but I came across this and had to comment on it, it was on Yahoo Answers regarding a first time anime con go-er;

‘This year i want to go to an anime con. its going to be my first one. i just want to know if u stand out if ur not wearing a costume? I want to wear one but probably not as an anime character is that bad, if not is there something else? I dont know who to be! If i do need a costume where can i get one? or do i just make one from scratch? Also those who have been to an anime con what do you do there? what is it like? Any suggestions on what and what not to do? im a bit shy around people also so i dont want to feel left out on anything. although i am shy i try to have fun, thanks’

Ok, this pretty much cements the idea that the majority of anime event attendees are twats who know nothing of anime and are there for the attention and a place to hang out. Plus, the fact that he wants to cosplay; the act of dressing up as a anime/videogame character, while knowing nothing about it really pisses me off to the max.

And I quote ; ‘I want to wear one but probably not as an anime character is that bad, if not is there something else?’ what the fuck man, it’s a fucking anime con, if your going to dress up as a character, its expected for you to dress as an anime character. Something else? What else were you thinking as going as? If you’re thinking of going as a giant cock, at least you won’t have to worry about the costume.

‘Any suggestions on what and what not to do? Sure, don’t go, don’t ever post on the internet again or even better, die right now and let’s never speak of this again. Part 2

(Good Cosplay, although it's not anime related)

ePiSoDe 21: Black History, worth celebrating?

2007-10-09T11:18:00.001+01:00

Considering I make references to black people all the time, I might as well promote the fact that this month (October) is Black History Month in the UK. I’m assuming that the general populace is either unaware of this or doesn’t care, which is forgivable because it isn’t highly advertised unlike Halo 3, which for some reason could have overshadowed the second coming of Christ.

(What's Halo?)

Anyway, were all suppose to be celebrating black history I guess, considering that most of black history is littered in despair, oppression and cotton picking, what exactly are we suppose to be celebrating? The fact that black males; according to statistics, are the most underachieving in schools?

How about the fact that the only prominent black role models are rappers and athletes? Where are the Nobel winning scientists or the entrepreneurial geniuses? I’m not saying that they don’t exist, but why don’t we showcase more of these people over dickheads like Curtis?

Sure a lot of people are unaware of the damage of the slave trade, especially how most banks were built upon and profited from off the slave trade such as Barclays and Lloyds Bank. But lets be honest, some of problems that the black community face today is self inflicted, type-casted and pigeon-holed as thugs is something that the black community don’t exactly help to break, but that’s neither here nor there.

("Elmo, i can hook you up with that fraggle, but she a hoe dawg")

Ah well, another depressing ePiSoDe, make sure you check out the official Black History Month site, I promise that you won’t get your bag stolen or invited to be a dancer in a hip-hop video with bouncing cars and half-naked women.

http://www.blackhistorymonthuk.co.uk/

ePiSoDe 20: The obsession with scantily dressed women………… (part 1)

2007-10-07T11:17:00.004+01:00

As a heterosexual male, it is expected that I should be attracted to all things female, especially when they are dressed wearing very little. I came to this conclusion from the pictures like these and many years of MTV music videos.

But I only recently began to question the morality of these jobs that these women take. In reference to the ‘booth babes’ and ‘music video honeyz’ (I spelt it like a retard, I know), how do they feel about being used to simply attract men to stop and look at what their employer has to offer? Do they feel empowered or exploited?

It could be easily argued that it causes no harm for women to show off their beauty if they so please, however, can someone please explain to me the other positives of this industry apart from the money?

I’m guessing that most of these models enter the industry having been scouted or told by some sleazy guy at the Tesco checkout that they should be a model. A highly lucrative industry that is forever changing is probably the most alluring side of it, however, highly competitive and fickle in terms of the definition of ‘beauty’, I fail to see how this industry is still standing. Part 2

ePiSoDe 19: the best anime is the free anime? (part 2)

2007-10-04T10:45:00.004+01:00

Continued from Part 1 Then he goes on about bad dubbing, which is fine as I agree with him on that issue (to a certain degree), but the majority of anime fans in the west watch their shows dubbed anyway, that’s where the money is, its always about the money.

But let’s stop pretending now, let’s assume that they had a channel with a mixture of anime genres, lets pretend that they had the newest shows licensed in their original form; you wouldn’t watch it you liar.

Firstly, if you’re an anime fan and actually care about this shit, you’re not going to wait for this show to be broadcasted in the UK as you’re an impatient demographic and would download it to fuel your elitist nature.

Secondly, you would make up some excuse that it ‘runs slower in pal’ or some shit to justify the download. Thirdly, and most importantly of all, you don’t like buying stuff that you can get for free. I would forgive all of the bullshit about wanting the ‘original show’, but none of these people actually want to pay for these shows when they are released on DVD anyway.

It was only after listening to the guys at AWO (check out their site, they mentioned a pie that was filled with AIDS) that I realised how badly these shows perform when released.

(caution: contents may be hot and filled with AIDS)

Your average title only selling a few thousand copies? Are you sure? What about the hundreds of thousands of people who attend those fucking conventions and participate in forums and cosplay and shit? Nah, all these people are hypocritical dickwads who are the real reason why anime isn’t as accepted as it should.

Sure, you can blame the distributors to an extent and the 3-4 episodes per disc from a 50 episode show (sigh), but deep down, I blame you online tossers who post on IGN, Digg, Anime News Network, Anime On DvD, Anime League etc. Go read!